By SheelaR

Life is funny. Just when you think you’re on the top rung of the ladder, something pushes you back to the bottom one.  I’ve been sick for a month and it’s taking a toll on my emotional health. I’m simply tired of being sick. I went back to the ER and I’ve been cleared of pneumonia but my coughing, which seemed to be disappearing, came back suddenly with a vengeance. My life is once again on hold. 

My x-ray and other stuff came back clean. I’m simply suffering from the residual effects of the pneumonia and a subsequent cold. Yet I feel like it’s so much more. I’ve got a sore throat, a headache and sore ribs from coughing. Adding to that, a shit-load of medication that is giving me the shakes and making me sleepy. It all feels so unfair. There is nothing seriously wrong, yet I’m on my back for another week. 

I came home from the ER happy that there’s nothing wrong, but sad that I’m physically and emotionally drained. I sat on the side of my bed and cried. I don’t cry often, but I didn’t know what else to do. I’m longing for the happy healthy me that I can’t seem to get back. I’m trying to be strong because it’s what people expect from me, but even I crack sometimes.  It’s hard to be strong all the time. I’m tired of holding my shit together so others won’t feel inconvenienced. 

The meds are fighting me for control and they are winning. I’m going to close my eyes and pray for a little more strength. I’m also going to pray for those that I know and love, and for those that  I don’t know. Life is short and precious. Any day you wake up, you’ve been touched by the hands of god. That in it self is a gift.