By SheelaR

It’s a brand new month. Another opportunity to start over and get it right. I feel like I’m in a constant state of transition. A perpetual out with the old and in with the new state of mind.  I don’t know if all this constant change is healthy. Although, change is sometimes a sign progress and that is a good thing. However, some days I’m not sure if it is progress or boredom with the status quo that’s driving my need for change. 

I don’t want anything unhealthy to permeate my happy place, and in an effort to avoid this as much as humanly possible, I’ve built for myself…a change carrousel.  Every time it stops, something or someone has to get off. All this stoping and restarting has me unsure about what’s next. 

I’m fairly happy with my direction but I’m sensing that I’m trying to get to my destination in a rather convoluted way. I crave stability.  Anything that stands in the way of that will generally meet with a quick and sudden death, even friendships. I don’t need as many as I use to have or desired to have. I want quality of life, not quantity. For that…

I need redo my 5-year plan. I’ve had one in place since my teens. It’s has served me fairly well, however…it needs updating. I feel like my biggest impediment has been toxic relationships. I’m extremely social by nature and that can be a problem. I don’t need to socialize with everyone. People who are slow to grow in their own lives generally have a negative affect on me. 

I know this will sound cold, but I’ve put a few of my interpersonal relationships on my 5-year plan, and I given them an expiration date.  That is, unless they feel good and right. I’m tired. I’ve managed to get myself the last ticket on an early morning flight home. Being away from my family has affected me in a way that I didn’t anticipate. I’m cutting this dog and pony show short. I need to wake up in my own bed Monday morning. All I need to do now is pack…quickly.