By SheelaR
Every now and again, I find myself feeling so exhausted, that everyday tasks seem like an effort in futility. Most days, I would tell you that I love working for myself. However, days like this make me question everything I know. I was up all night and I struggled to be lucid and present all day. Now I’m sitting my kitchen wondering if I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe my passion has been too passionate. Today, I feel unfulfilled, drained, and completely emotional.
I took on some help in the way two interns. They’ve been amazing, but I’ve discovered that there many things that require my attention and my attention only, despite any faith I have in their abilities. I came home this evening and immediately felt a rush of tears as the realization that I am once again feeling overwhelmed by my own goals and expectations. It has left me questioning all the things I want, because it has meant giving up the things I need. I’ve not figured out the right balance.
I come home every night, and I have to be everything that owning a home requires. There are many days that I simply don’t feel up to it, but fighter in me won’t give up. I could have all the help I need, but in some small way…it feels like a failure to me. I’ve never gotten use to that feeling. It is the bane of my existence. I wish that I could just let go and live, but every time I do…something feels wrong.
We’re often taught that we can have it, be it, and do it all. What no one tells us…is that there is a heavy price to pay. You pay with your peace of mind. You pay with no days off. You pay with many sleepless nights that cause long days of exhaustion. Can I run away from home now? As much as I yearn for a long romantic weekend, I’m incapable of feeling any excitement. I’m still in my pants, bra, and shoes. I took my blouse off at the door. I forgot how many hours ago that was. Not that it matters…
I don’t have much to give right now, but here is what I can give… Take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep. Nourish your mind, body, and soul. Engage frequently in activities that give you life. Love and appreciate the people that support, encourage, and love you back.
Thoughts of a Wordinary Girl 