By SheelaR

At the office waiting for a few things to transpire before I head off into my weekend. So, I thought I’d share my morning with you…

There are moments when I don’t mind relegating my position of power to men, it’s rather enjoyable at times. It’s an opportunity to feel wholeheartedly like a lady.  However, I don’t like it when men assume that I’m some brain-dead bimbo.  For most of my life…I’ve focused all my efforts on being smart and not just another pretty face. I know it’s the first thing people see when they meet me, and I can’t get away from that, but, I want them to see something much deeper.  I want them to notice that I’ve accomplished quite a bit in my 31 years.  I’ve traveled the world and I’ve met thousands upon thousands of people. I’m successful in a industry dominated by men, and so far, I’ve survived.

I built my business on the back of one client.  I might have had some help along the way, but it’s been my hard work and many sacrifices that has kept me afloat. It’s hurtful when someone can look past all that and relegate me to just a pretty face. My grandmother would always tell me that it would be “my blessing and my curse.” and the I would “have to work harder for some respect.” As much as I understand that, being disrespected still stings. There are days when I feel like a quote from The Color Purple ““All my life I had to fight…” My fight has probably not been as dramatic, but painful nonetheless. 

I’ve endured a personal tragedy that still haunts me, and lost the of love of some really amazing men. My sacrifices have been great. I’m not looking to have a “whoa it’s me moment,” but even the strong have limits, and mine keep getting tested. Which brings me to my last evening and morning. Last night, I had a corporate client completely abandon a project that I’d spent countless hours working on. “Budgetary constraints,” they said. That’s all fine and well… That happens in this business, but I spent the equivalent of 3 months working this project. I felt and feel so defeated. Get to the office this morning, and It’s more upset to deal with. Served with a summons to appear in a lawsuit that another client is a party to. That means digging up several years of records for this particular client.

I called my client for some clarification, and he said “Just be the pretty girl and do as you’re told; we don’t need you to do any thinking.” I’m almost never at a lost for words, but that caught me completely off guard. I was so stunned that I didn’t have one of my usual sarcastic comebacks to offset the insult. My dad said that It’s all a part of business and not to take it personal. I’m sorry dad, I took it personal.  The sensitive girl in me doesn’t like being treated that way. How can I? You’ve always encourage my strength, independence, sharp wit. I know that he would not have spoken to another man that way. I like being treated like a woman, but I don’t like it when it means I’m less of a person. I don’t mind the strength that men bring to any interaction, but I don’t wan’t them to make me feel irrelevant. I’ve earned my keep.

Lawsuits are common in the art industry, so it’s just a part of every consultants experience. However, it’s an exhausting process and I wasn’t feeling up to the prospect of it this morning. My difficult night, made for an even more difficult morning. I’m feeling out of sorts. I want go home and climb into bed naked with just my tears and his loving arms. I want to feel like vulnerable woman without feeling unappreciated and disrespected. Am I asking for too much? Now that I’ve got that out of the way…

I need to get back to work, these bills won’t be paying themselves.

Every day you walk up alive and well, it is indeed a blessing 🙂