By SheelaR

The month of May is going to be filled with many emotional lows for me. My grandmother died 5 years ago this month, and as hard as I try not to let it overwhelm me, I find myself reliving the deepest pain I’ve ever felt. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. Sunday, I’ll be heading to Connecticut to take my grandfather home, which feels like pouring salt on an open wound. Further adding to my sadness and stress, I won’t get to spend my father’s birthday with him. I live for all the moments I get to spend with dad, he is my truest and deepest love. I hate that these moments of sadness will eclipse what should be a happy day.

The closer I get to Sunday, the more I cry. I’m trying to keep it together for my mom and grandfather, because this is a deeply emotional time for them as well. You see… The day my beloved grandmother passed, I had her hand pressed against my face when she took her last breath. I’ll never forget that sound. I’ll never forget the sensation of feeling her life as it departed her body. If you’ve never watched a loved one die, you’ll never understand how traumatic it feels. There is great relief and sadness. The moment is as surreal as death gets.