By SheelaR

One of the perils of modern day communication is our attachment and dependence on technology … which, has opened up a whole new set of issues for anyone in a relationship. In an effort to secure our devices from the prying eyes of strangers, it is advised that we do so with passwords or fingerprint logins. I use both. As a business owner, I’m often in receipt of confidential financial documents from clients. My clients depend on me to be careful and discreet with their sensitive information. I share my phones, computers, and tablets with no one…not even a significant other.

Aside from the need to protect clients, I’m still of the mindset that we are all entitled to some level of privacy. Some couples appear to function just fine without it, but it’s just that, an appearance. No one likes having their every move monitored by another adult. You’re a liar if you say that you do. You’re simply trying to keep the peace. Any action of snooping and prying is tantamount to an emotional rape – when the other person is unwilling to share.

Having said all of that, there is nothing wrong with sharing with your partner, if it is mutually agreed upon. However, the bigger question is…how much do we share? How much access does your partner actually need? Handing over control of your phone to allow your partner to look through electronic communications may show him or her that you have nothing to hide, that there are no secrets between you. It implies trust and may symbolize an intimate connection. But… It’s a Band-Aid for much larger problems, a lack of trust and insecurities.

Access to each other’s electronic communications does not signify a healthy relationship. Nor is it that any partner without something to hide should be willing to hand over his or her phone. There is a place for privacy in loving, trusting relationships, and it’s important to remember that a person’s request for privacy doesn’t mean they’re up to no good. Similarly, putting your significant other on your shortlist of those with access to your info does not necessarily mean you have intimacy or connection. It can be an extension of trust in a relationship, but it doesn’t create trust or connection when it’s not really there.

You may need to reevaluate the relationship if you have a desperate or regular need to violate their right to privacy. Trust me when I say this… If you engaging in that kind of behavior, the relationship is already operating at a deficit. Ask yourself, If as partners do you truly trust one another, and what are the real reasons for wanting to look through each other’s electronic communications?

The moment it becomes an issue, have an open and frank discussion about your expectations for privacy. If you’re comfortable, share those passwords…but if it’s an issue of principle – don’t. In cases where either partner feels they need to have that access, agree to talk about the underlying issue instead. Some insecurities and jealousy is normal. You partner might feel left out of your life if you spend much of it on your phone or computer. Reading through messages, looking through photos, etc… won’t make you feel any more connected, just as having access won’t prevent infidelity. You need trust and respect for that…