By SheelaR

Cheating is universal. I would venture to guess that most of us have cheated on someone or been cheated on. It’s an inherent behavior. We all feel that fire some kind of way. Which brings me to this…

One of my dearest friends recently confessed to cheating on her husband. I already knew it, but I can’t tell you how. However, I was still surprised when she finally said it out loud. God-fearing Sheelagh wanted to judge and criticize her, but her loving friend in me knew it wasn’t my place. She’d spent the previous months feigning upset at the rumors of her cheating, so I was just a little confused and angry.

Although it feels like we’re doing our friendships a disservice when we are not open and honest about our feelings, we have to observe boundaries that are in place in every single one of our relationships. There are boundaries we should not attempt to breach. I have a firm “Mind your own business policy.” I judge my friends silently in my head, but I love on them hard to compensate for what’s happening in my judgey head. My only duty as a friend is to provide love and support.

It is dangerous to interject your morality on your friends. IT. IS. UNWISE. Don’t go there! What our friends don’t realize is, we also feel the impact of their life events, good and bad. We are innocent bystanders. We’re part of the crew that is there to pickup of the pieces of their lives after the train wreck settles, but we have to do it silently and with love.

At the start of the conversation I wanted to shake and punch her. I was angry that she spent an inordinate amount of time denying the affair and feigning hurt at the implication. By the time the conversation ended, I still wanted to punch her, but that’s not what she needed. She needed my strength, my loyalty, and my love.

I wrote all that to come to this… My unsolicited advice and thoughts about dealing with someone else’s cheating event:

• Remember, it’s not your relationship, so don’t get emotionally invested in the fallout or repair stages. Stand by with your mop and bucket.

• Don’t insert your feelings or opinions about the actual act. They’re not asking you for that. The arm-chair psychiatrist in you should probably go on vacation. There is nothing worse than a friend who wants to psycho-analyze your mistakes

• As egregious as the act of cheating feels, death is way worse. People can actually recover from infidelity. A box of Kleenex and a bottle of wine will get you through most things.

• It’s not about you. Don’t over-process the event. Keep it moving and positive. Hate the act, not the person.

You can simply never go wrong with love, large doses of compassion, and understanding.