By SheelaR

Death is a funny thing…

My ex mother-in-law passed tonight. I didn’t think I would feel so affected, but here I am – overcome with grief and sadness. My plans for a peaceful nights sleep has been shattered.

I’m at point where the tears are borderline uncontrollable. However, I’m not crying because I’ll miss her, because she hated me and the feeling was mutual. She hated me for things I had no control of, and I reciprocated in kind. We happily kept the toxicity alive for more than 17 years.

I’m crying because of all the missed opportunities to forgive and all the missed opportunities to free myself from the anger of being rejected. I’m crying because I’m wondering what other things have I missed because I hated her. I’m crying because I allowed myself to be controlled through osmosis.

I could have simply moved on, but I didn’t want her to win whatever imaginary war we were having. I wanted to make sure she knew that the 2306 miles between us wasn’t enough. I’m not trying to teach you anything, but I’ve learned a lot.

Yes, I’m headed to California for her funeral. It’s time to bury the hatchet, literally and figuratively.