By SheelaR

My mother use to tell me “Not everything that pops into your head needs to leave your mouth, even when it’s true.” She would also say “Honesty is the best policy.” Contradictions… Those lessons I learned as a girl, has taken on new meanings as a woman. What she actually meant to say, was… Always temper the truth with foresight and compassion. So, I often find myself editing and restricting the things that I say to others. However, I try to do so without loosing myself in the process. 

It’s a double-edged sword.  Our words are powerful. They build and destroy. Are you a builder or a wrecking ball? I’ve spent most of my life being a wrecking ball, but I’m turning a corner. I’ve learned that you can’t ever un-ring a rung bell. Life is full of moments that test character and integrity. As black and white as we think the truth or life is, just know that it is filled with areas of grey. 

By SheelaR

One of the perils of modern day communication is our attachment and dependence on technology … which, has opened up a whole new set of issues for anyone in a relationship. In an effort to secure our devices from the prying eyes of strangers, it is advised that we do so with passwords or fingerprint logins. I use both. As a business owner, I’m often in receipt of confidential financial documents from clients. My clients depend on me to be careful and discreet with their sensitive information. I share my phones, computers, and tablets with no one…not even a significant other.

Aside from the need to protect clients, I’m still of the mindset that we are all entitled to some level of privacy. Some couples appear to function just fine without it, but it’s just that, an appearance. No one likes having their every move monitored by another adult. You’re a liar if you say that you do. You’re simply trying to keep the peace. Any action of snooping and prying is tantamount to an emotional rape – when the other person is unwilling to share.

Having said all of that, there is nothing wrong with sharing with your partner, if it is mutually agreed upon. However, the bigger question is…how much do we share? How much access does your partner actually need? Handing over control of your phone to allow your partner to look through electronic communications may show him or her that you have nothing to hide, that there are no secrets between you. It implies trust and may symbolize an intimate connection. But… It’s a Band-Aid for much larger problems, a lack of trust and insecurities.

Access to each other’s electronic communications does not signify a healthy relationship. Nor is it that any partner without something to hide should be willing to hand over his or her phone. There is a place for privacy in loving, trusting relationships, and it’s important to remember that a person’s request for privacy doesn’t mean they’re up to no good. Similarly, putting your significant other on your shortlist of those with access to your info does not necessarily mean you have intimacy or connection. It can be an extension of trust in a relationship, but it doesn’t create trust or connection when it’s not really there.

You may need to reevaluate the relationship if you have a desperate or regular need to violate their right to privacy. Trust me when I say this… If you engaging in that kind of behavior, the relationship is already operating at a deficit. Ask yourself, If as partners do you truly trust one another, and what are the real reasons for wanting to look through each other’s electronic communications?

The moment it becomes an issue, have an open and frank discussion about your expectations for privacy. If you’re comfortable, share those passwords…but if it’s an issue of principle – don’t. In cases where either partner feels they need to have that access, agree to talk about the underlying issue instead. Some insecurities and jealousy is normal. You partner might feel left out of your life if you spend much of it on your phone or computer. Reading through messages, looking through photos, etc… won’t make you feel any more connected, just as having access won’t prevent infidelity. You need trust and respect for that…

By SheelaR

It’s been one week since my arthroscopic knee surgery to repair a meniscal tear in my right knee. I’m a runner and a dancer, so I’ve put many miles on my 32-year old knees. Running and ballet has kept me sane. Without those two activities, I would have lost my mind by now. In some ways this has been a small price to pay for many years of peace and sanity.

By SheelaR

Have you ever wondered what made Internet trolls, bullies and stalkers tick? Me too. It’s both frightening and fascinating. They are as close as you can get to rapists, without the rape. It’s all about control. However, unlike the actual act of rape, you can take back control. You can’t allow these type of people to dictate your emotions or movements. I always say… Fight fire with fire. Don’t allow them the pleasure of shutting you down with their belligerent behavior. Which leads me to share this..

Joe Bussell… Not sure exactly where he’s from, since he’s a busy Internet troll. He claims to live in Detroit, but that can’t be possible ..because if you seen the things he’s posted, you know that he doesn’t’ like brown people. Joe first inboxed me in December, and I put him on notice that I was adding him to my collection. That was my way of warning him. Well, he must have been seething the entire time, because out of nowhere … he pops back up in my inbox (See message on the right).

It would be easy to simply ignore him, and I tried. I’ve tried several times to block him to avoid this … but he wanted me to know that my efforts were futile. So, I’m choosing the pen, because it is mightier than the sword.  In my experience, it is the most effective way to rid yourself of Internet trolls and bullies. They always assume that you’ll be too afraid to fight back. However, he couldn’t have been more wrong about me.

According to Joe, I’m a “Feminazi tree hugging liberal cunt” I’m not too offended by that, because I am a tree-hugging liberal. 🙂 All that because… I believe in strict gun control; equal & civil rights for blacks, women, and gays; law-enforcement accountability; and some level of political-correctness. In other words, I believe in a fair and just society. His fragile white-male ego can’t handle that. I won’t be keeping quiet to make ANYONE feel better. I’m not the kind of person that falls in line with everyone else. I draw my own line and stand on it and not behind it.

By SheelaR

I’m super duper tired, so this post is coming to you from barely functioning brain. In other words… I might ramble a bit. Bare with me…

I just got back today from a family trip to Ireland.  Both of my paternal grandparents were born there and had not been back for 30+ years. They decided that this would probably be their last trip home. All of their children were born in America, so this is their forever home. The last time I was there, I was about fourteen, so it was wonderful to go back as an adult. The experience was different. I’ve now forged what I think will be lifelong relationships with my relatives across the pond. I was the “black girl” from Detroit, so it was exciting for them too. They had so many questions. (Lol) I tried to be as accommodating as I could without being sensitive or easily offended.

Unfortunately, I had to come home a few days ahead of my family because of an important meeting tomorrow morning. (sad face) Overall, an amazing experience. Since you all know that I’m a bit of an insomniac, you won’t be surprised to hear that I only had one night of sleep. My sleep came in 30-minute increments. As tired as I am, I’m still a little wired. Anyhoo… I’ve got tons of pictures that I hope to post to Instagram soon, but IDK… My ADD and busy schedule takes me away from things rather easily.

Anyways…

I’m always playing catchup, so on vacation during one of my many moments of being awake … I decided to finally watch Game Of Thrones (mostly because my bff told me to).  I started season (1) and I’m now halfway through season (3). I’m consummate binge watcher, so I’ll probably be all caught up by Saturday or Sunday. I hate that it took me so long to finally watch, because I really love this show. I enjoy violent and gruesome shows and movies, so this was right up my alley. **Don’t read too much into that :)** I’ve only got one favorite character and that’s the “Imp.” I love shameless crooked deviant behavior. I find people like that disgusting and fascinating.

Bosco

I missed my furbaby while I was gone. He missed me too. I would call him everyday and he’d whimper into the phone. I’m a terrible mother for leaving my baby for that many days. He’s been very attached to me since I’ve been back. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it. The separation wasn’t good for either one of us.

Now

I’m about to fall into bed to watch a couple episodes of GoT.  With any luck, I will be out like a light in a couple of hours. The next time you hear from me, I’ll be ranting about something that has been bugging the heck out of me. The gloves are coming off.

By SheelaR

I wasn’t going to touch this, but I feel like I have to. I will gladly advocate the for rights of others, no matter their sexual orientation. However, in the case of Caitlyn Jenner… I’m truly conflicted. The very idea of you posing on the cover of Sports Illustrated while draped in the American flag and your Olympic medals, is a conflict that I can’t reconcile with who you use to be…Bruce Jenner. Bruce seemed to be about the business of substance while Caitlyn is all surface. So far, it appears that everything you’ve learned and projected about womanhood … has been garnered from a family of fame whores.

There is no identifying with the populations you now represent…the trans and female populations. You’ve gone from a decorated athlete to a shallow attention-seeking fame whore. That’s not what true womanhood or the trans life is all about. You’re failing the two populations that would greatly benefit from your platform as a celebrity. You’ve turned into an appearance obsessed old-aged barbie doll. If it weren’t’ so sad, it would be laughable. At 67, you turned in your dignity for a tube of lipstick and a mirror.

Your never-ending need for attention is turning people who once supported your journey, into people who can no longer stomach the sight of you. I’m going to go ahead and count myself as one of those people. Right from the beginning … I questioned your behavior. I didn’t see a person that wanted to embrace womanhood, but instead, I saw a man obsessed with playing dressup. While I still support your journey, it hard for me to not see you as a pretend woman. I know that sounds harsh … but that’s how lots of people are starting to see you. I’m proud and sad to say, I called it first.

I know you didn’t ask … but I’d like to offer you some advice. First, Women in American and many other countries are viewed and treated as second-class citizens. You wouldn’t know this, because you’re still benefiting from white male privilege. As a good faith gesture, maybe you could give up your membership to that exclusive all male golf club. You know… the one that doesn’t admit WOMEN, women…with vagina’s.

Secondly … The next time you give an interview about being a woman and the challenges of it all, try not reducing it to “The difficulties of deciding what to wear.” I can assure you, I don’t care some days. As I write this, I’m wearing leggings, a t-shirt, with no bra and makeup. I don’t even remember brushing my hair today. Why? Because real women worry about making it in a world that reduces their value in the shadow of men. Unlike like you, I don’t have the added burden of being trans. Not that being a woman is a burden, it’s actually quite beautiful when you’re not fighting for some basic respect and equal pay.

Third … You also belong to a population of people that have seen a spike in crimes against them. Why not use your voice to talk about the serious issues facing trans-women? You’d be a welcome agent for change, if you weren’t so self-absorbed. Maybe you feel like this isn’t your cross to bare, but it is. Many of your fans supported you with the belief that you would also support the issues that matter to them. Like most of the famous and infamous, you have a platform. Instead of embracing and taking advantage of it for a greater good, you’ve chosen the Kardashian route of shameless self-promotion.

You’re no longer an admired athlete from years gone by, because you’ve turned your life into a circus act. It’s all very sad. You look very put together, but my guess is…you’re a mess on the inside. Your view of what is to be a woman seems to be that of a 7-year old girl playing in her mother’s clothes. I like being beautiful and sexy some days too. However, it is not the thing that drives me or most women. When you’re done playing little Bruce in his mother’s high-heel shoes, take a look around you… Life is not about handbags, designer dresses, reality television, or playing golf all day.

Women experience changes to their bodies that they have no control over. When nature calls we don’t want to get out of bed or brush our teeth. And let’s not talk about those days when our hormones reduce us to tears over the most benign issues. Unlike you, I’ve had breasts for a long time and these puppies are not always the funbags you think they are. They get in the way of things…like working out and sleeping comfortably on my stomach. Although you’re a dad many times over, you’ve not experience the joy and pains of pregnancy and childbirth. You’re experiencing the pretty things. You’re detached from the real issues, but you don’t need to be. Think about that…

Rethink this Sports Illustrated cover. Don’t continue reducing your newly found womanhood to shallow self-promotion. In the words of the legendary Birdman… “Put some RESPEK on it.”

If you’re not familiar with the story, I’ve attached a link below. Happy reading!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-24968/caitlyn-jenner-will-pose-naked-for-cover-of-sports-illustrated.html

By SheelaR

The month of May is going to be filled with many emotional lows for me. My grandmother died 5 years ago this month, and as hard as I try not to let it overwhelm me, I find myself reliving the deepest pain I’ve ever felt. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. Sunday, I’ll be heading to Connecticut to take my grandfather home, which feels like pouring salt on an open wound. Further adding to my sadness and stress, I won’t get to spend my father’s birthday with him. I live for all the moments I get to spend with dad, he is my truest and deepest love. I hate that these moments of sadness will eclipse what should be a happy day.

The closer I get to Sunday, the more I cry. I’m trying to keep it together for my mom and grandfather, because this is a deeply emotional time for them as well. You see… The day my beloved grandmother passed, I had her hand pressed against my face when she took her last breath. I’ll never forget that sound. I’ll never forget the sensation of feeling her life as it departed her body. If you’ve never watched a loved one die, you’ll never understand how traumatic it feels. There is great relief and sadness. The moment is as surreal as death gets.

By SheelaR

I don’t generally write about famous people in a way that speaks to any level of endearment. However, Prince is different. He was a musical genius. It is not often that we see that level of genius in the music industry. His discography is riddled with timeless classics that will be enjoyed for decades to come. My first foray in the purple magic, was the iconic ‘Purple Rain.’ I was just a babe when it was released, but when I heard it many years later in ballet class…I became an instant and lifelong fan. I don’t know that there are many people in the world that doesn’t know that song. If you don’t know him or his music, you’re missing out on greatness. Which brings me to this…

Tributes

Unfortunately, every award show related musical tribute or biography (authorized & unauthorized) that I’ve seen in the last five years, have been utter and complete shite. Instead of stacking the biographies and tributes with the best person for the job, we often get the flavor of the month. Often times, they vocally challenged. A couple examples of this would be the Whitney Houston and Aaliyah – made for television movies, and Lady Gaga’s tribute to David Bowie. Each time, I wanted to hit my television with a baseball bat, toss it out of the window, and jump out of the window behind it. They were that bad… We must not let this happen to our Purple Majesty.

We don’t want the likes of Drake, Jazmine Sullivan, Ciara, Chris Brown, Justin Timberlake, Nicki Minaj, or Fetty Wap…paying any type of tribute to our beloved Prince Rogers Nelson. I could actually add about another 100 names, but I don’t know them…I just know I don’t like their music, and they have no talent to speak of. Now… With the help of some of my dearest friends and fellow Prince fans..we’ve come of with a list of acceptable performers. On this list: Lenny, Kravitz, D’Angelo, Miguel, Janelle Monae, Bruno Mars, and Maxwell.

Simply Beautiful by SheeaR

I’m writing tonight because I’m excited. We’ve finally settled on the formula’s for all the products in my organic beauty line.  All that’s left…deciding on packaging and a logo. Packaging won’t be difficult, I’ve made of my mind, but we’ve been round the block many times with the logo. I seem to fall in and out of love with them rather quickly. I want a logo that impacts me and impacts me hard. I’ve yet to feel that for more than a few days with the other logos we’ve designed. Keep your fingers crossed! Tomorrow is the last day with these two decisions.

So many other things to consider, so we need to keep things moving…because December will be here before you know it and that means I’ll be returning to my consulting business. If I must confess… I’ve missed some of the exciting moments they’ve experienced, and I’m low-key jealous. However, I’m trying not to micro-manage from a far. As long as they are doing well, I have to leave them to it. My need for absolute control, is becoming less of an issue with each passing day. I’m rather proud of myself. Growth is a beautiful thing.

Looking ahead

Tomorrow, will see me working on Simply Beautiful by Sheelagh and getting in a little shopping for an upcoming business trip. I don’t really need anything new, I just like spending money and buying pretty things. What girl doesn’t like pretty things? 🙂

My beloved Grandmother Evelyn

The month of May will usher in the fifth anniversary of my maternal grandmother’s death. I get really sad this time of year. Mom, Aunt Christine, and I…spent a little time crying together this weekend. The emotions are still very raw. They say that time heals… I suppose. Next month, we’re going to Connecticut to lay fresh flowers on grandmother’s grave. The thought of that is causing my eyes to fill with tears. She was an incredible wife, mother, and grandmother. I’m fortunate to come from a long line of amazing women. Her presence will always be missed.

P.S.

Before I end this post… I just wanted to Thank my friend, Melissa Heger. When I mentioned that I wanted to start an organic beauty line, she suggested the name.  Unlike the logo, I fell in love with the with it, and I’m still I’m love with it. Good looking out Melissa! You rock 🙂

I have a few decisions to make before going to bed, so I’m outta here.

By SheelaR

Entertainer, Erykah Badu (Erykah Abi Wright) has come out in support of the New Zealand school, which came under fire for telling teenage girls to lower their skirts to knee level so as not to “distract” male students and teachers.

“I am aware that we live in a sex driven society. It is everyone’s, male and female’s, responsibility to protect young ladies…” If you understand that, than you should also understand that any male that preys on a young girl, will do it in spite of what she is wearing. What you’re supporting is tantamount to victim blaming.  I do not see any real harm in school girls wearing dresses or skirts above their knees, because women/girls are victimized wearing pants all the time. You are a woman and mother, so it boggles the mind as to why you would engage in perpetuating the falsehood that somehow children are responsible for keeping sexual predators at bay.

Considering how free you’ve been with your own sexuality and imagery you’ve produced as a result of it, I find your stance hypocritical and confusing. You clearly don’t understand how sex crimes happen and why. It’s that level of ignorance that perpetuates the very idea that men/boys are savages and not responsible for policing their own sexual urges and subsequent behaviors. No woman or young girl is ever responsible for being the victim of some man’s proclivity for deviant and predatory behavior.