By SheelaR

Lately, I’ve been obsessed with how other blacks view and identify themselves, as it relates to race. When there are discussions about it on social media, I’m always paying very close attention. It’s fascinating. I didn’t know the extent that some blacks will go to distance themselves from their blackness. It’s shocking. Should race matter in America the mixing bowl? Yes it should.

I don’t know an exact number, but I would venture to guess that most but not all blacks in America have a shared history of slavery. There is nothing shameful about being black or being the byproduct of slavery. It is not your shame to bear. We’re all “mixed,” some of us more than others, so when I see someone pulling the “I’m not really black” card, I go into attack mode. If you’re not caucasian or mongoloid, you’re negroid. Albeit it a watered down version, but that’s your reality. Take ownership not prejudice in it…it is what it is.

Self-hate is destructive and ugly. You can’t fight for equality if you deny that inequality exist. What LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling has taught us is, race does matter and for some people, that’s all you are, the color of your skin. It matters to all the people in the world that would seek to oppress and deny you your rights based on it. Blacks have become obsessed with material wealth as a way to erase what they think are the invisible color lines. Your education and socio economic status will not shield you from realities of racism, just ask Magic Johnson.

With ownership, comes pride. Take pride in your blackness, and everything else will follow.

“Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it.” – George Santayana

By SheelaR

Why are women so hard on each other? Is it insecurity or jealously? Is it because we want to see our sisters to do better, and we become frustrated when they don’t? Are we competing for some unknown prize?

As a woman, I want nothing more than to see women elevate themselves.  I’ll readily admit that I become frustrated and angry at the site of women behaving in an uncouth kind of way. I’m at times quick to dismiss my sisters when I become frustrated with their lack of progress.  In that way, I’ve failed them and myself.

This is where reality television makes an appearance…

Reality television has uncovered deep painful fissures in the relationships of women.  It’s disheartening to watch. When did the ‘lady’ in us stop making appearances? When did we put up our dignity up for sale? We’ve given up on ourselves and our sisterhood, and we’ve become perpetual train wrecks.

We have something beautiful. Something men will never understand.  We are the givers of life. We are nurturers and natural teachers, so why  do we keep passing up the opportunity to uplift and support each other? Why are we giving in and giving up on womanhood? We’ve become remiss in our duties as women…for a price.

Reality television is destroying everything that is beautiful about being a woman and a lady. We are supposed to be gentle and kind.  We don’t scold our men for entertainment or engage in public fisticuffs with other women. A lady doesn’t paint her face like a two dollar hooker and enter a rooms loudly, just to give the audience something to talk about.

Leave the entertainment for entertainers. You are a beautiful masterfully designed specimens. You were not designed to be fodder for television. No matter your color, shape or size…you’ll always be one of many magical beings that God designed with a purpose.

Don’t squander this beautiful life you have for the sake of entertainment. Don’t participate in the degradation of the sisterhood for dollars. In our relationships with women, we must become more like men. We must support unconditionally and without judgement.

Your purpose nor your pride should ever be up for sale.

Dear Future Love of My Life:

I know. I should have written before.

Forgive me.

But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four leaf clovers, I’m close.

I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger.

I made eyes at you once on the subway.

I saw you across the room at a party.

I swiped you right on Tinder.

But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.

It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for meh relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night.

I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation.

So here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.

The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:

1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.

2. I’m with the wrong person right now.

3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.

4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.

5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.

6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.

7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.

8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.

9. I’m too focused on my own needs.

10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.

Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself—I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.

Be patient with me, darling heart.

Know that I’m working my way toward you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.

I know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined.

But I’m here.

This is me talking to you. And I’m not going anywhere.

Don’t give up on me.

Yours,

In perpetuity,

The Love You Haven’t Met Yet

By SheelaR

It is open season for the racists.

I don’t know much about the Clippers or Donald Sterling, but if I had to pick someone to be disgusted and disappointed by…it would definitely be him. Like slave owners, he’s made his fortune off the backs of blacks. People he clearly has no love or respect for. Mr. Sterling has a documented history of racism as it relates to blacks and Latinos, so it’s ironic that this latest outing of him would be at the hands of his black Latina girlfriend. Talk about a oxy-moron! No pun intended. I suspect she recorded that conversation for some sinister personal reason. She probably knew that hewas going to say all kinds of stupid stuff, and he did. Her reasons my have been suspect, but she did the right thing.

As sickening as we might find his disgusting rant, he’s not alone. There are lots more where he came from. Until people like him die off, we’ll always be saddled with the burden of racism. It is our cross to bare. It is also our lesson learn. We must come to a collective realization that, there is no real discernible difference between the “races.” We really are just one. The only thing that makes us different is the color of our skin on the outside. We all bleed red.

We must stop supporting men like him with our hard earned dollars. We must make him accountable, and we must begin to teach the next generation that it’s not what’s on the outside that matters.