By SheelaR

Just thought I’d pop in with some random updates and ramblings… It’s been raining and cool all day; the perfect day to stay home, which I did.  On days when I’m at home I tend to notice the most random of things…. Like the fact that my mail carrier doesn’t deliver our mail until about 5:30. That really burns me up and he won’t be getting a bonus this year. It makes no sense to me that he is still out at 5:30 delivering mail. It’s quite an inconvenience. So, that’s that!

I’m loving my life without glasses, since my eye surgery. However, I still reach for my glasses.  I’ve come to the conclusion that glasses are not only serve the function of improved vision, but they are indeed like a favorite blanket. Their presence is comforting.  Weird, but true. Maybe I should just toss them and move on. Keeping them feels too much like the beginning of hoarding. Lol

I adore my new business partner. Hi, Tamara! She’s awesome. Best business decision ever. I almost feel unneeded. While I’m on hiatus, I know that my business will be in capable hands, because she’s already proved to be invaluable. Speaking of hiatus… I’m counting down the days and the excitement of it all is starting to feel overwhelming.  I’m trying not to create to my things to do or hobbies for myself, because I genuinely would like to have some real down time to focus on love and stuff 😉 That last part is TMI, so…

My birthday is coming up, very soon! I’m excited. I’ve got a lot going on. Before I leave town for my family’s pilgrimage east, my friends are throwing me a birthday dinner.  It was suppose to be a surprise, but they spoiled it. I had to let them know that I knew, so they rescheduled it for a couple of days before my actual birth date. I love my friends, they’re so haphazard with everything they do. I really looking forward to it.  I get to see my male bestie James.  He lives and works in Germany and doesn’t seem to make it home very often.  His trip home has less to do with my birthday and more to do with spending Thanksgiving with his family.  For once, I don’t mind being second ❤

I’m thinking about deactivating my Linkedin account. Folks are way too interested in my life. I get a ton of views every week…a lot of them private. It’s fascinating and disturbing…borderline humorous. I’ve only made a few fruitful connections, so It’s not serving much of a purpose business wise, anymore; just another place for folks to lurk. I also get tons of invites to apply for some fabulous jobs in the art industry…one problem, I’m not looking.

Is it asking too much to simply be left alone? People take crossing personal boundaries with a grain of salt, and I’m not like that.  It’s difficult for me to understand.  I makes me weary.  My natural inclination is not trust strangers and to be highly suspicious of their motives.  Add to that, the fact that I was the victim of a violet crime, so being violated makes me super nervous.

I don’t expect people to understand much, but I expect them to respect my privacy and boundaries. Yeah, in these days of social media…everything and everyone is a target on someone else’s. Unfortunate. I could just disappear from social media and the Internet, but I love writing, socializing, and keeping my active brain busy. It’s my double edge sword. I’m hoping my hiatus will give me clarification.

Ironically, I’ve over-shared. I’ve actually got lots more to share, but my mind is beginning to tire. Lol

By SheelaR

I’m up writing because I know that sleep is somewhere in the distant future.  Just thought I’d purge my brain of a few random thoughts.

I had a fairly good weekend. There were three client parties between Friday and Saturday, and I stayed home all day Sunday.  Didn’t feel much like being around people. I finally talked to my friend Chuck, who lost his younger brother a week ago. That’s five people in my peer group that have died. All for very different reasons.  It’s crazy to think about. As real as death is, it’s surreal when it happens to you. I keep tossing it over in my mind trying to make sense of it…I can’t.

I also talked to my ex-best friend. I feel like saying “whoopty do.”  I’m finally over her. I tried so hard to hold onto what I thought was my friend for life.  I’ve finally come to the realization that some relationships are not worth it or meant to be. I cried a little bit, but I’m good now.

We’re not the same little girls anymore.  I’ll always love her and wish her well.  However, the time has come to move on…that realization is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Many important lessons learned. I’ve healed thyself.

Something weird happened with a friend from Facebook. I won’t go into details, but it was a huge trust breaker. I’ve been violated in the most deepest and ugliest way, so all subsequent violations feel egregious and painful. I don’t think I’ll ever see this person with the same pair of eyes. I’m not sure any explanation given will wash it away. I don’t know why I even bother trying sometimes. It always end up with me wishing I hadn’t.

I told other friends about it and the general consensus was leaving it be, let it go…I can’t. It doesn’t make sense and I need it too. I’m a good friend, and I don’t go around violating my friends trust in me, so I don’t understand why someone would choose to do something so unnecessary to me. Whatever the reason, I hope they’re satisfied. They lost what could have been a great friendship. Thanks for feeding my insecurities.

Confession time… At one of the parties I attended, I ate pepper steak.  That may not be a big deal to most people, but it is for me.  I don’t eat beef. It was the best tasting thing that I’d consumed all week. I’m slightly ashamed but it was delicious and satisfying. Downside, my stomach has been in turmoil all day, but it was worth it.  However, I’m going stick to my vegetarian lifestyle, but just between you and me…an occasional transgression might occur 🙂

Last thing before I sign-off for the night…. The Lasik surgery I had on my eyes, has turned out nicely. It’s amazing how vivid and clear the world has become. Now, if I could only stop reaching for my glasses. Lol

That’s all for now. This mental purging has made me sleepy. Confession really is good for the soul.

By SheelaR

I think every single person (and there are billions) on Facebook is suffering from some sort of mental illness…including myself.  Why do we subject ourselves to such craziness?Why do we listen and respond to the madness that is other folks opinions? I often find myself completely fascinated by the madness of it all. Checking in just to get a large dose of all that is wrong with the world. My own undiagnosed ADD is my reason.  My mind is literally working 24 hours a day and requires constant stimulation. I hate that about myself. I can’t turn it off and most times, and if I’m being honest, I don’t want to.

As I’m writing this…I’m listening to a podcast about the South Sudan, making a work-related To Do list in my head, and checking Facebook and Twitter for0fdu the latest news stories. You can’t get much crazier than that. I’d like to be sleep, but who’d make my To Do list? My entire body and mind is restless.  I suspect that technology and social media is creating a whole new crop of people with situational ADD. Not sure if that’s possible, but I’m willing to bet that it is.

I have to be up and out of the house by 7:30 am. It’s going to be one of those days… My life is going to be in shambles tomorrow.  I feel like Al Pacino in Insomnia. Now that I’ve brought it up, I think I’ll watch it. That is… If my shitty Internet is working. I hate my cable company. At any given time during the day or night it is down more than it’s up.  I don’t know why I’ve not given them the boot yet. Familiarity I suspect. It would feel like breaking up with a boyfriend. No one wants to start all over again with a new boyfriend or cable.

I was actually quite sleepy around 9 pm, but my phone rang and it was over after that. I should have made a cup of tea, put in my earbuds, and let sleep happen. Instead, I let awakeness and the idea of getting things done take over. I welcomed and nurtured the craziness. As you can see, the ADD is in full effect.  I’ve hopped from one nonsensical topic to another without even stopping to catch my breath.

It doesn’t help that the wind is blowing hard and causing things outside to rattle. That always freak me out. Btw… My movie still hasn’t started.  I guess I should try and sleep now. I need to force it… not really sure if it’s going to work.  Who knows… I might get lucky 🙂

Deputy Ben Fields, assigned to Spring Valley High School in South Carolina has been suspended without pay, after a cell phone video of him violently arresting a teen girl surfaced Monday. There is absolutely no justification, no matter how you rationalize it…for how he treated this child. She was of absolutely no harm to the officer or anyone in that classroom. It started over her pulling out her cell phone during class. The teacher asked her to leave the class, but she refused. The resource officer was summoned, and upon entering the classroom…without stopping to ascertain the seriousness of the situation, he leap into action by commanding her to get up from her desk and leave the room. In the video, he can be seen thrashing her about before pulling her from her seat and tossing her across the room into a wall. His actions not only put her well-being in peril, but that of every other child in that classroom.

At no time before or during his arrival she was a threat to herself or others. She was non combative with the officer, thus his use of force cannot be justified. His objective should have been to de-escalate…not abuse and intimidate. He had the advantage of size and strength over her. That gave him ample opportunity to use a less abusive form of restraint. Considering his history, no one should be surprised by his behavior…which happened to be more egregious than hers. It is being reporter that he had two cases of excessive force in his file, one having battery attached to it and one still ongoing awaiting to be heard by the courts in January 2016. Knowing he has an ongoing case against him for excessive force, he shouldn’t be on the job right now much less in a school. He’s now opened the school district, and the police department that employs him up to civil liabilities…not to mention, you’ve jeopardized your own gainful employment. I whole heartedly believe that most officers are great cops. I believe most of them are trustworthy and show respect for the oath they took to uphold the law – they take the responsibility to serve and protect earnestly. We must call out the ones that overstep their bounds. Not doing so, puts every officer in danger. Every child in that classroom has just given an eyewitness account and reason to perceive the police as a threat now. Even at their age, they still learn from the examples we set. That’s just the truth.

Instead of causing a scene over a cell phone, why didn’t the teacher simply let it go, move on with classroom instruction and deal with it after class? This could have very easily been dealt with after class between the student, administrators and parents without the need for police intervention. See, there are ways to de escalate and discipline accordingly. And, what was the students issue? (Other than the obvious). It’s obvious that even during the use of force and struggle, when most adults would be screaming, she as a child didn’t squeal or scream once. That gives one the inclination that something may be wrong with that child. That’s why de escalation should taken place. If there is an issue it can be identified at that time and dealt with accordingly. Schools are charged with the safety of our children at all times while in their care. Nothing in this video depicts their care for her safety. That’s concerning.

I’m appalled at the amount of people justifying this officers’ behavior. This is a child. Disrespectful yes, but that level of force is totally out of line. It would be out of line even if it was an adult. Students interviewed even said it was commonplace for him to treat students like this. The whole point in having an officer on staff at a school is to PROTECT the students, not to make them terrified of police officers for the rest of their lives. This “comply or die” attitude is unacceptable in a country built upon laws.

Below is a video of the incident… It’s disturbing to watch, but I hope it makes you think.

By SheelaR

I am not a reader of Ebony magazine, so I dont have to worry about canceling my Ebony magazine subscription after seeing this magazine cover and article titled “Cliff-hanger, should the Cosby Show survive?”

How very shameful of you, Johnson Publishing Company. It is understandable why you’ve lost readership…. you have lost your purpose and most importantly your commitment to the black community…. When John H. Johnson started that company more than 70 years ago, the mission was to be an advocate for the black community, and to raise the voice of a people who had no voice in the media. This cover is a direct afront to that legacy. The last time I checked we live in a society where we are supposed to be INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY (IN A COURT OF LAW)…. NOT IN public opinions. Besides, there was a time when what is being done to Bill Cosby in the media was called PUBLIC LYNCHING. But even beyond the perception or public opinion about Dr. Wm.H.Cosby, it is the defamation that is being inflicted upon the images and associations of all of the other persons that were a part of an extremely powerful, positive and much needed at that time black legacy….The Cosby Show that I have a problem with. These mass cancelations of The Cosby Show essentially punish the rest of the cast, because they lose residuals earned via reruns.

There is nothing, fair, honest, or right about that. In fact, when does that happen? It definitely wasn’t the portrayal of previously, “fallen from grace” TV star…. Steven Collins, who played a Pastor and dad on 7th Heaven, after recorded tapes of his confessions made during marriage counseling were released to the public. In this case, Collins confessed to sexually molesting young underage girls. During that time, I don’t recall, the media casting the same dark cloud over the other cast members of 7th Heaven simultaneously while reporting on the wrong-doings of Collins. As a matter of fact, it was always only about Collins, not the cast…as it should be. I’m not advocating for Mr Cosby’s innocence, just a fairness in the application of the law, and to respect the legacy of The Cosby Shows other cast of players.

With all that being said… The end of an almost 70-year legacy is upon us as the last bastion of black-owned media space known as the Johnson Publishing Company, owner of Ebony and Jet magazines, will now only be partly blacked-owned. Johnson Publishing announced last week that JP Morgan Chase & Co.’s special investments group has acquired a “substantial” minority stake in the company. You do the math…

By SheelaR

I’ve been away for a while, but I’ve got lots thoughts to share.  I’m much too tired to do that tonight, but I’ll be back sometime between tomorrow and Sunday to share my thoughts about Breast Cancer Awareness, Million Man March, and Raven-Symone.

Sleep peaceful and deep!

By SheelaR

I’m not a linguistics expert, but I love the power of words. I relish in the moment when I can express myself thorough a few well placed words. I love using them to compose my deepest darkest and brightest thoughts. I love that they can be used to uplift and teardown in the same sentence. Words are incredibly powerful. I know that all sounds a bit dramatic, but it’s why I write this blog. It’s not just me having a few TMI moments; it’s me appreciating what I can do when I string my thoughts together for a perfect moment of expression. It’s my therapy and my passion.

By SheelaR

Should a woman change her name back to her maiden name after a divorce? I’ve struggled with this for a while now. A marriage made in haste is defining my identify, and I don’t like it.  I will say this, there is a lot of comfort in using my maiden name for business and social media, because there is no such thing as privacy anymore. People can be very intrusive. My married name affords me the kind of privacy that helps me sleep at night, but every time I sign my married name, it feels unatural. I’m not ‘her’ anymore. As I move forward in my life…I’m realizing that I need a new beginning.

If I remarry, the old-fashion girl in me wants to take her new husbands last name, but the emerging woman in me wants to enjoy an identify that is uniquly her own. I want to enjoy being the woman that I never had the opportunity to be as Sheelagh O’Brien. Besides… Sheelagh O’Brien flows well and has a nice ring to it 🙂 I’m an only child and it would pay homage to my dad, since he’ll never ever have a son (I hope).

I’ve been polling my friends and family about the idea of a name change and ironically, the votes are split in half, generationally. No surprise there. I guess I’m on my own with this one. I’ve been doing some research on the subject, and I’m still not clear.  Below is some of the material I’ve engaged on the matter… When I come to a decision…I’ll update ya 🙂

Happy reading!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/26/last-name-after-divorce_n_4164839.html

http://info.legalzoom.com/can-divorced-woman-keep-her-husbands-last-name-21429.html

http://family.findlaw.com/marriage/changing-your-name-after-marriage.html

http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/after-divorce/name-change/keep-or-change-a-last-name.aspx?artid=592

By SheelaR

One the biggest drawbacks of my upbringing, has been the fact that it has left me struggling to understand so much about the world as it relates to race…the world of “black & white.”

Dear America:

You might find this shocking, but the world is not just black and white.. There is an area that’s shaded with many hues of grey. Your “black and white” mentality has imprisoned you, and it starting to imprison me too. Every single day…I’m struggling with my own fence-straddling, and watching you defy reason with your back firmly against the wall. It’s overwhelming. Please check your close-minded mentalites at your front doors. The world is bigger than you think and its parameters stretch far beyond whatever closed-off community you grew up in. Not everything you like, dislike, agree, disagree, or understand…is a matter of your skin color. Those things that you find so different from you, isn’t necessarily black or white, there is without a doubt many grey areas you’ve never cared about or even considered. Get out and see the world. You’ll discover people, black, white, and grey…living life in a way that your mind has never been able to conceptualized.

“It’s just like when you’ve got some coffee that’s too black, which means it’s too strong. What do you do? You integrate it with cream, you make it weak. But if you pour too much cream in it, you won’t even know you ever had coffee. It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it puts you to sleep.”  -Malcolm X

By SheelaR

Do you ever feel like you’re part of a race that never truly can be won? Of all the brothers and sisters I’ve met, there have been less than a handful to uplift me; less than a few to educate me; fewer than that to keep my optimism alive. We are a community of lost people. Our tribe is bombarded with stereotypes and cast as unmotivated beings. From the days of our forced beginning to the inauguration of our first President, we have come too far to fall so low.

Today is a day that would make our forefathers weep with tears of triumph and cry with tears of sorrow in unison. As a people, we are too easily satisfied. Freedom was won, the fight to end segregation was won, the race to keep our brother in office has been won, but why stop now? How many of us are actually grateful for the blood, sweat, and tears put into our freedom? If our past leaders were watching us today would they be proud? Think very carefully.

What does it mean to YOU to be an African American? So many of us strive to fit the image that the media has created. The drugs, the degrading music, the violence; to many other races this is what we are, this is what we have become. 70 years ago we were a race trying to better our place in this country, on this earth. We were a race that would stop at nothing to become successful beings. We would be lying to say that the motivation and integrity of our predecessors lies with us today.

While there are still African American activist, the population is scarce. We are a beautiful, intelligent, and powerful race; Nobody else will believe that until we do ourselves.  Give hope to those who may have lost their light. Play your part and never settle. We are not only products of a painful past, but leaders of a bright future.