By SheelaR

We are all entitled to our opinions. However, when our opinions cross the line of common decency…we need to check ourselves and our moral compass. At times, the things we say will hurt and offend…but we must remember temper our inherent need for honesty with compassion and civility. Just because we feel entitled to voice our opinions, doesn’t make okay to openly and happily offend. The only thing separating us from being constructively honest or purposely hurtful…is intent. When our words don’t match our intentions…we’ve crossed line.

I’ve been told that there are times when my level of honestly is borderline cruel, so I’ve struggle with that my entire life. “My mother would often tell me as a child, “Not everything you think needs to find its way out of your mouth.” Some day, I hope to have her level of tact, intelligence, and wisdom. For now, I often find myself pausing for thought, when I feel like my words won’t align with my intentions, and that my mother said…is the mark maturity.

Words are powerful and important and can be used to build or destroy. Words are also finite. Once said…they can never be taken back. Having said that, I would never tell someone that they don’t have a right to freely express their ideas and opinions… However, I will tell you this…always stay cognizant of when you’re willfully spreading hurt, ignorance, and negativity. If the things you say, at times, don’t horrify or disgust you…you’ve not evolved.

By SheelaR

At the office waiting for a few things to transpire before I head off into my weekend. So, I thought I’d share my morning with you…

There are moments when I don’t mind relegating my position of power to men, it’s rather enjoyable at times. It’s an opportunity to feel wholeheartedly like a lady.  However, I don’t like it when men assume that I’m some brain-dead bimbo.  For most of my life…I’ve focused all my efforts on being smart and not just another pretty face. I know it’s the first thing people see when they meet me, and I can’t get away from that, but, I want them to see something much deeper.  I want them to notice that I’ve accomplished quite a bit in my 31 years.  I’ve traveled the world and I’ve met thousands upon thousands of people. I’m successful in a industry dominated by men, and so far, I’ve survived.

I built my business on the back of one client.  I might have had some help along the way, but it’s been my hard work and many sacrifices that has kept me afloat. It’s hurtful when someone can look past all that and relegate me to just a pretty face. My grandmother would always tell me that it would be “my blessing and my curse.” and the I would “have to work harder for some respect.” As much as I understand that, being disrespected still stings. There are days when I feel like a quote from The Color Purple ““All my life I had to fight…” My fight has probably not been as dramatic, but painful nonetheless. 

I’ve endured a personal tragedy that still haunts me, and lost the of love of some really amazing men. My sacrifices have been great. I’m not looking to have a “whoa it’s me moment,” but even the strong have limits, and mine keep getting tested. Which brings me to my last evening and morning. Last night, I had a corporate client completely abandon a project that I’d spent countless hours working on. “Budgetary constraints,” they said. That’s all fine and well… That happens in this business, but I spent the equivalent of 3 months working this project. I felt and feel so defeated. Get to the office this morning, and It’s more upset to deal with. Served with a summons to appear in a lawsuit that another client is a party to. That means digging up several years of records for this particular client.

I called my client for some clarification, and he said “Just be the pretty girl and do as you’re told; we don’t need you to do any thinking.” I’m almost never at a lost for words, but that caught me completely off guard. I was so stunned that I didn’t have one of my usual sarcastic comebacks to offset the insult. My dad said that It’s all a part of business and not to take it personal. I’m sorry dad, I took it personal.  The sensitive girl in me doesn’t like being treated that way. How can I? You’ve always encourage my strength, independence, sharp wit. I know that he would not have spoken to another man that way. I like being treated like a woman, but I don’t like it when it means I’m less of a person. I don’t mind the strength that men bring to any interaction, but I don’t wan’t them to make me feel irrelevant. I’ve earned my keep.

Lawsuits are common in the art industry, so it’s just a part of every consultants experience. However, it’s an exhausting process and I wasn’t feeling up to the prospect of it this morning. My difficult night, made for an even more difficult morning. I’m feeling out of sorts. I want go home and climb into bed naked with just my tears and his loving arms. I want to feel like vulnerable woman without feeling unappreciated and disrespected. Am I asking for too much? Now that I’ve got that out of the way…

I need to get back to work, these bills won’t be paying themselves.

Every day you walk up alive and well, it is indeed a blessing 🙂

By SheelaR

If you are unfamiliar with the newest fight brewing in America, I’ve added some links below.

It is unfortunate that in 2015, we find ourselves in a fierce debate over the relevancy of a flag who’s only legacy…is one steeped in hate, slavery, and oppression. Extolling and claiming the virtues of Southern pride is merely an attempt to cover up a heinous part of American history that no one should be proud of. Anyone supporting this sad relic is simply devoid of empathy and understanding of the past and all that it entails.

I’ve been perusing news blogs and the White House Facebook page for a few weeks now, and I’m disturbed by the astounding level of willful ignorance and hate the right has managed to whip up among its constituency. They flock to these sites in droves, loaded with hate speeches, and revisionist history…repeating the same nonsensical verbiage ad nauseam. America is in the mist of a philosophical meltdown. It is like watching the most horrific train wreck, ever. Confederate flag supporters have no shame or interest in moving America forward. They refuse to help in the lighting of a new path that will lead us away from our dark history.

There is no civil war to fight, people. The South lost, and with that….must come a willingness to retire it’s most prided symbol of treason and slavery. There is no such thing as “Southern Pride.” The only pride anyone in this country should claim…is American pride, and even that’s debatable. Something I need to cover in another blog post entry 🙂

We must relegate the Confederate flag to it’s rightful place in history, which doesn’t include it’s placement on public property. It is abundantly clear that we are not living in post-racial America, nor can we…if we continue to hold on to the very symbols that divide a nation of one into two. The South won’t be civilized until they let go of their uncivilized past.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/07/us/south-carolina-capitol-confederate-battle-flag.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur

Well, I’ve been clocking some long hours. I’m exhausted and headed to bed…hopefully, some good sleep will befall me soon.

By SheelaR

My neighbor has these little decorative lamps in her garden. Out of the corner of my eye they look rather menacing, like the kind of critters you see scurrying about late at night. They’re grouped in twos, so it looks like a gang of possum. I love being outdoors and almost everything about nature, but not when things start moving about in the darkness. I watch too many scary movies and my imagination is about to get the best of me. Lol

I forgot to mention that I brought a glass of wine with me. It’s got the perfect chill to it. I can already feel that tightness in my neck start to loosen. A few more sips and I’ll be ready for bed. So much madness in the world lately… The stress of it all is too much some days. We are living in maddening times.

I was watching a documentary about Nina Simone, but I couldn’t really enjoy it with this headache, but I think I’ll go back in and finish watching as I drift into dreamland.

Btw… It’s actually a good documentary. It’s on Netflix. You should check it out when you have a chance.

By SheelaR

At some point while reading the news, I stumbled up a story about about a man who was wanted by police for several attacks against Asian women on New York’s Upper East Side.  As I begin to research the story further…I came across his blog.  It’s not the best read, but it’s a fascinating and frightening look into a tortured mine. Below, I’ve attached links to the story and his blog:

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/man-wanted-attacks-asian-women-found-hanging-reports-article-1.2267393

https://mrtalented.wordpress.com/

Enjoy, but not too much…it’s insane.

By SheelaR

Historically, African Americans who tried “passing” as white did so for survival. As they were exposed for “passing,” they faced serious consequences. Any comparisons to Rachel Dolezal’s case are an affront to black people everywhere. Many people are deeply offended by the very idea that someone whose family suffered none of the horrifying systemic racism that blacks have and continue to endure, would so gleefully immerse herself in it as if it were a game. She behaved as though simply claiming it made the black experience hers by default. Any assertion that she had good intentions doesn’t hold up.

Black women in America are still struggling to obtain the most basic aspects of respect in this country. It’s not fair for them to be marginalized in the shadow of a woman who is pretending to know their struggle through real life experiences, when she in fact fabricated them all. I’ve tried to resist the urge to label her, but she’s a sociopath. She co-opted a culture and lied about it, in addition to unfairly obtaining opportunities. I’d also like to remind folks that pretending to be Black is the least of Rachel Dolezal’s hoax. Her faked hate crimes hurt the community she served. Her behavior is borderline criminal.

The work that she “put in” on behalf of the black community while donning black face, is in fact an oxymoron. Those two things cannot reasonably co-exist. It’s all about her own agenda, pity, and attention. If the NAACP decides to keep her on, they will be consigning her unethical behavior. Instead of admitting they were duped and promptly dismissing her, they decided to save face by publicly supporting her altered identity and her pointless explanations. Going forward, I won’t be supporting any of their efforts. They will forever be mired in controversy.

Only in America can you commit such an egregious act against the black community and not only get a pass, but profit from the ignorance of your supporters. I predict Rachel Dolezal will get a TV movie, a book deal & tours on her experience as a black woman. This is the ultimate white privilege. Welcome to America! Rachel Dolezal ran a long con to get to a place where she could have higher status in a community that she fetishistizes, not fully understanding that saying you identify as black, doesn’t make you black. Instead of appropriating a black identity to support the black community, why not do that from within the skin you’re in? To surreptitiously gain control of blackness that is conditioned by centuries of oppression, in the ultimate act of a blackface performance.

*If you’re not familiar with the story, please see the links posted below 🙂

http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/12/opinions/rachel-dolezal-france/

However this turns out, Rachel… Godspeed to ya!

By SheelaR

The topic of discussion today… The appropriateness of a child’s bikini bathing suit. Although, I’m generally conservative in some of my views, I find nothing inappropriate in childs bikini. I can’t even begin to verbalize my surprise at the number of people that drew a coralation between pedophila and a child wearing a bikini bathing suit. I can’t wrap my mind around that level of ignorance. Rape and pedophilia are acts of power and aggression…not at all spurned by how a woman or child is dressed. It is hard to believe that we live in a time and place where this school thought is so prevalent. My mind is boggled. It’s borderline victim blaming. Even more disturbing…the very idea that innocent children are being viewed as sexual beings because they are wearing a bikini bathing suit. 

By SheelaR

Nothing bothers my soul more than crimes against children. As much as I dislike the Duggars, I so wanted the allegations against Josh Duggar to be untrue. Not because he’s one of many reality show fame whores that we have to contend with on a daily bases, but because they were crimes against his very own sisters, who were children when the molestations occurred. As an adult victim of a sexual assault, I know all about living with the pain, shame, and guilt of it all. Unlike the Duggar girls, I don’t have to face my attacker at Thanksgiving dinner or family reunions. There is some measure of comfort in the fact that my attacker was a stranger of sorts. They don’t have that oddly comforting luxury. My heart aches for them, because I’m not sure they realize just much pain is ahead of them…now that the world knows about it. It seems as they are being forced relive it in front of the world, which is unfortunate and most likely embarrassing.

Much of the public’s anger and disgust with this family stems from the fact that they have so wantonly used their religious beliefs to openly infringe on the rights of the LBGT community…branding them all pedophiles…all the while harboring their own. More egregious than that, is how Parents Jim Bob and Michele chose to protect Josh’s future over the well-being of their girls…who are the only real victims in all of this. They lied, covered up, and excused away his crimes by calling them “bad choices.” You failed as parents. While that might sound like a judgment…it’s steeped in a whole lot of truth. As parents you are suppose to be your children’s first line of comfort and protection, you were not.

This is America and we all have a right to religious freedom…it is a fundamental one. However, it is time for you to stop hiding behind your religion and lies of perfection. It’s time you send the camera’s packing from your lives, and that of your innocent children. It’s time that you get real about the horrible things your son did to your daughters. It’s time for you to run into obscurity, so that your family might start the process healing and dealing with mess you’ve allowed to fester. TLC…do us a favor and permanently pull the plug on this shameless family. We’ve had enough…they’ve had enough.

By SheelaR

This blog entry was inspired by a number of conversations I’ve had over the last few days with a number of people.

At what point after a breakup should you have a light bulb moment. After how many days, weeks, months, or years do you get to grieve the end of the relationship? I’m here to tell you…there is no right answer to this question. However, I will say this…it is okay to take your baggage into the new relationship, but it’s not okay to live out of it indefinitely, nor ask the new love to carry any parts of the old baggage. The new love is a different person…unless you have a propensity for dating the same type of people…in that case; you’ll never learn…no really, you won’t.

We all break and have our hearts broken. Pain is inevitable for us all. The end of a relationship is much like the death of a loved one, and because we’ve all experienced that, understanding the heartbreak of a failed love should come as no surprise to anyone. Sometimes the pain is so palpable; you can taste it in your mouth. Especially, when you’ve not experienced the kind of closure you think you deserve. NEWSFLASH! You may never get it and you shouldn’t wait on it. No one owes you the perfect ending.

It’s okay to admit that it hurts and that you don’t know when you’ll be okay. After all that is said…begin sorting through your baggage and get rid of the things you no longer need for the new trip. It would be advisable that you even take a trip (figurative) by yourself. Trust me when I tell you this…it’s the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

Healing is a process. Its progression depends entirely on you. Embrace the pain, because pain reminds us that we are indeed alive. Nurture your mind, body, and soul; you only have one…and it is beautiful. Especially, when a new love knocks at your door.

Goodnight, sleep peaceful and deep; don’t forget to dream!