By SheelaR

So, I ordered my new iPhone from my hospital bed. I’m really excited! While I wait for my iPhone 5c to arrive, I’m downloading the IOS 7 for my iPad and my iPhone 4.  I’m giving my iPhone 4 to my friends’13-year old son. He’s super excited and I’m excited for him. I promised my iPhone 4 to him months ago. 

By SheelaR

I’m still in the hospital and the meds they’ve been giving me have finally kicked in. I ready to go home, but my other symptoms haven’t entirely disappeared yet. *sad face* I’ve been sleeping rather well this last week, which is a major turn of events for me.  It has been years since I’ve slept all night every night for two consecutive weeks.  It’s is amazing how a few simple changes can make a world of difference. 

One another note… 

I’m bored to tears and I haven’t watched any TV or been on Facebook since I’ve been here, and I’m not really missing either one.  Well, I do miss watching the news a little bit.  Maybe a lot.  It’s been a good time to catch up with friends and family and do some reading, writing and listening to music. I also finally ordered the new iPhone 5C, in white.  I’m so excited that I can barely breathe.

 Why are hospitals so cold and the food so crappy? I guess there is no point in complaining. I can always have someone bring me something.  I don’t have any dietary restrictions. A chicken sandwich and some fries from McDonald’s would be appreciated. I would also love to have some ice cream. It’s hard for me to unhappy when I’m eating ice cream. Speaking of unhappy…

Why is Cher ripping Miley Cyrus a new one?  Really, Cher? You don’t have any place to criticize this poor confused girl.  She is you in a different place in time.  Certainly, your past behavior should make you more understanding and not less.  Also, considering the life changes your daughter is experiencing, you of all people should hand Miley Cyrus a get out of jail free card.

Anyhow…  I’m about to take a nap before I’m inundated with visitors and before my phone starts beeping like it is having its own emergency.  Back for an update later. 

By SheelaR

I’m in some serious pain and I’m headed to the hospital.  I’ve got a feeling this isn’t good.  It feels like someone hit me on my tailbone with a pickax. However, before I get there I’d just like to share a thought.

I’m really disappointed in the reaction to the newly crowned Miss America. Firstly, not only is she not an Arab American, she’s also not Muslim.  Not that it should matter, it does not. I live in a country full of ignorant and misinformed people.  I’m embarrassed for them, because they have no idea how ridiculous they sound.

Americans come in all colors and this is supposed to be the original melting pot. I’m just waiting for the melting to be begin. As of woman of mixed race heritage, I understand the pain of people questioning your identity.  It’s not something that should ever be an issue in America of all places.

To spew such vitriolic hate at someone for something you think they are and more importantly something they are not, is wrong on all levels. This is yet another sad moment in American history. We just cannot seem to overcome our racial roadblocks. The world is watching us and we’re not looking good.  I support our new Miss American and I wish her well.  From one woman of color to another, Best wishes & good luck!

By SheelaR

It has been a long day; not as productive as I would have liked.  I had spring rolls and fruit loops for dinner and it seemed to have hit the spot. I got some reading in and after that, I took a nice hot shower and got dressed in my favorite lotion. I just put a movie on and my eyelids are heavy.  Sounds like the perfect condition for some satisfying sleep.

By SheelaR

I have another confession. I dated someone famous. He’s not rich, he’s not in the entertainment business, nor is he a sports figure. He’s doing extraordinary things with his platform. I completely respect him for that.

By SheelaR

It’s been an awesome weekend.  No pressure or stress from anything or anyone. I can’t think of one moment when I felt stressed out or unhappy.  I went to an art reception today and it was wonderful. I love events when I’m totally in my element.

By SheelaR

Our primal ancestors procreated primarily for survival, a continuation of the species if you will. We’ve evolved. We still act on our primal instincts to procreate, but evolution has given us another reason, the need for love and companionship. There is only one problem with this…love complicates the process. Don’t get me wrong, I am a hopeless romantic and I believe in love. However, I know and understand that love complicates the very basic purpose of sex.

We are compelled to have sex. Willful celibacy goes against everything we were designed for. It is an unnatural act. Nature designed men to spread their seeds among as many partners as possible. Unfortunately, we live in a time where this is not only unpractical, unacceptable, but unsafe. Sex without procreation is simply recreation. We enjoy it because of hormones released in our brains when we meet, fall in love and engage in intercourse with another human being, and sometimes by ourselves. Your brain experiences a flood of adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. That is all you’re feeling, a rush of hormones. Ironically, these same hormones and the feelings that follow were designed to make sex pleasurable to simply encourage baby making. Now, instead of using sex for its main purpose, we enjoy coupling for recreational purposes.

I’m not complaining. I too enjoy this replacement reason for sex.

The types of people we choose to mate and fall in love with are often reflections of ourselves and our end purpose. Some of us have instincts that are more primal and we look for someone to engage us in a relationship for the purpose of marriage and children. Also, there are those who seek out mates for reasons less primal in origin, simple physical pleasure. Finally, there is a group that once passed the point of fertility. They seek simply seek companionship and love. Children are no longer a factor and the act of sex no longer has a real definable purpose.

And while love is a complication of our original blueprint, it is a beautiful thing. I believe in being in love. I believe that a normal healthy love is something we’re all looking for and when we can’t find it…we look for substitutes; people that will stork our egos and libidos. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it is temporary and I don’t want that kind of love and nor should you.

By SheelaR

For some odd reason, it doesn’t feel like a Friday night.  I’m so hyped that I can actually work another day.  Maybe I will. I’ve got huge piles of stuff on my desk. I’ve got an endless amount of energy right now, but I know it’s temporary and I should be saving it for something else.  However, my mind wants to go on forever. *taking a deep breath* I might need to sleep on it. I’ll probably feel differently in the morning.  

My friend, Arty called.  I was so excited to hear from him.  His new baby boy was born with a heart defect. It is very sad to think of a baby so new, being so sick. He is such a cute and cuddly little boy.  I’ve never seen him in person, but his photos speak volumes of the joy he brings.  Arty and his wife moved while she was pregnant.  The last time I saw them was at their baby-shower.  As a friend, I just want to give them a hug.  After Caden’s surgery they’re planning to visit Arty’s parents.  I can’t wait to hold baby Caden.

Speaking of never seeing the baby…

I thought that I would miss my ‘friends’ more, but I’ve not lost one nights sleep over it.  It’s funny how quickly we adjust, adapt and move on.  Oh well…  Life does go on. I refuse to be stuck in a rut over fair-weather ‘friends.’  I must have reached my expiration date with them. Haha! Funny but true. I’m focusing on my current and new friendships, real and otherwise.  It’s kind of funny that someone would delude themselves into thinking that people had abandoned me.  Really? Silly rabbit! *evil laugh*

Some people recognize real and they don’t need proof of life (play on a movie title).  They don’t need a bathroom selfie, or a selfie of someone in their car on their way to work. They don’t need copy of a birth certificate, affidavits from the grandparents, the deed to a house or a passport. Only you need that. Howard Hughes, J.D. Salinger (The Catcher in The Rye author), Greta Garbo, Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird author), Emily Dickinson, Bobby Fisher, and Thomas Pynchon, were all famous recluses, but they were real people.  I’m not a recluse, but you get my point…right? *looks up and prays for your soul*

I’ve got these delicious onion rolls in my kitchen and they’ll probably be perfect for a turkey sandwich.  A salad and some chocolate chip cookies would be lovely too. I guess I need to get busy in the kitchen.  That turkey sandwich isn’t going to make itself.

By SheelaR

I went to the dentist today because I thought I chipped a tooth, only to find out that it is cracked very badly. I wouldn’t let them do anything for it because I wasn’t mentally prepared for any lengthy procedure. He told me to stop being a baby. Not very professional of him. This 22-year doctor patient relationship of ours has caused him to behave a little too familiar with me. Just because you’ve known me since I was a child, doesn’t mean you can treat me like one.

I didn’t go there prepared for a possible extraction or any sort or drilling. Also, I would have preferred to have someone with me to drive. I’m not a good driver when I’m uncomfortable. As much as I’ve been to the dentist, I still hate it like it’s the very first time.

Ironically. I wasn’t in any pain until he stuck his hand in my mouth, so by the time I left his office, I’m in pain and aggravated. I usually drive with my windows down because I like having the air in my face, but I rolled my windows up and turned on the air. I didn’t want to hear anything but my own breathing.

It was another take a crap on Sheelagh day. I went to the post office this morning because a package I mailed had been returned, and the guy at the counter went bat-crap crazy because I asked too many questions. Isn’t that part of his job?

Also, I lost a ‘friend’ today, and I use that term loosely. Whatever! I won’t loose any sleep over it. This orphan hair on my knee is more of a concern right now. Every time I wear shorts or a dress, I think people are going to see it. ‘Friends’ as they say… For a reason, season or a lifetime. I’ll categorize that one as a season.

Anyhow… It’s been hot as heck in the metropolitan Detroit area. Two 90+ days in a row. The type of days that require spaces that is equipped with central-air.

In other news… My ex came by with his new baby. She’s adorable. Looks a lot like him. He’s good looking, so I guess that’s a plus for her. It was really awkward. My heart has been pounding every since. I think we make each other super nervous. So much history behind it all. Don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression. He hasn’t married the fiancé yet. Hmm… That date has come and gone.

I get home and my super nosy lurking neighbor is outside as usual. Asking all his darn questions and making suggestions as to how I can better take care of my immaculately manicured lawn. If he only knew what kind of day I’ve had.

After three weeks of being sick and having to take steroids, I was hoping to feel better and have some sort feeling of normalcy. I can’t wait for this year to come to a close. I’ve learned a lot of good and bad lessons from and about people this last year. Every thing my parents has ever taught me is ringing true.

I don’t need a pity party, I have wonderful people in my life and they are all that matter. In the grander scheme of things, my life is fairly good. Not perfect by any means but good.

I finished my joint writing venture. I’m really proud of my contribution. I’m sad about not getting credit, but that’s cool. It’s a stepping stone to bigger pieces in bigger publications. I hate to keep giving away my intellectual property for free, but I have an end goal in mind. It’s a small price to pay for seeing my dream into fruition. My publisher is pressuring me to include juicy things in my future Facebook publication. Yes, it’s gone from a book to a 4 part series.

I don’t want to break confidences and hearts. I know too much and it would be blockbuster, but I don’t want to hurt people who’ve told me things they don’t expect to see or hear repeated. I don’t know how to include it without being too obvious. My close circle has warned me against it and I’m inclined to agree, but I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life and doing part-time doesn’t satisfy the itch.

I guess I should sleep on it, but in the meantime, I’m going to keep collecting material. What are the chances someone will sign a release?

By SheelaR

I’ve been watching Basketball Wives, and one of the story-lines revolve around one of the ladies dealing with her mother’s cancer and inevitable death. It’s such a hard thing to watch. Like so many others I’ve lost a loved one to cancer.  For some odd reason,  death by cancer seems more painful than others.

My eyes fill with tears every time they talk about it on Basketball Wives. I really feel her pain. It’s very difficult to watch someone you love dearly slowly slip away from you.  My grandmother slipped away from me while I was holding her hand. There were days when I use wish that I could undo that moment.  Now, I’m thankful for it.

I got to love on her and look into her eyes during those rare moments when they were open.  I felt like I could see her soul. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to watch her take that last breath.  In that moment, we shared the same air. Something that I’ll carry with me forever.

In the story-line on Basketball Wives, Tami is dealing with the issue of her mother either taking her final breath in Tami’s home or in hospice.  I know that her mom has passed but If I could have talked to Tami, I would have told her to let her mom die at home.

It is a rare moment that we get to spend that kind of time with our loved ones. I don’t wan’t to miss their lives ending because I’m I afraid of sickness and death. Death is inevitable for all of us. Unlike birth, not every baby will live, but we’ll all die.  Death by any means, doesn’t bring the same level of joy and happiness as birth, but it is a part of the circle of life.

As our loved ones make their final exit from life, we should send them away with the same love and caring they received when they were born. That is the very least that we can do for them as they leave us forever.