By SheelaR

I’ve become obsessed with my weight lately. I’ve always been, but during this last year I’ve been extra vigilant.  I’m always watching the scale.  It doesn’t matter how many times people tell me I’m a great size, I always manage to see something else. As a woman, there is so much pressure to be unnaturally thin.

I love to eat but sometimes I think twice about everything I put in my mouth…quickly counting every carb and calorie in my head before I eat. That extra cookie or swig of soda comes with a ton of guilt and shame.  Looking good all the time comes with a heavy price.

It would be easy to say that I’m doing it for my health, but the truth of the matter is, I am not. I want to look good in my clothes and I’m not offended if someone notices. I take pride in looking svelte. Passing a mirror is not met with one glance, but two.

That makes me vain and for all the wrong reasons. I just found another reason to work on me 🙂

By SheelaR

I love foreign films with subtitles.  I always have, even as a child.  They seem less contrived than American made films. We’re coming upon Fall and this is the perfect time for them.  I like to get something warm to drink, some cookies, my favorite pillow & blanket and crash on the sofa to watch them all day.

Occasionally, I don’t even read the subtitles.  I listen to the actors in their native tongue and follow the action.  This morning I happened upon one of my favorites…’Trollhunter.’  It’s Norwegian.  The plot is silly but I really like it for some reason that even I don’t understand.

I’ve got so much to do today so I won’t be watching any movies, but tomorrow I pick up where I left off last Fall.

Signed,

Foreign Film Lover

By SheelaR

I’ve been writing and thinking so much lately that my brain is literally experiencing brown-outs.  I need to get back to work. Too much time away from the office isn’t doing me any good. Well, it did my body good, but my mind is suffering. I guess I’ll crawl back in on….  

Meanwhile, back at the ranch….

I packed up a couple of boxes of clothes to donate.  I can’t believe how many things I own with price tags still attached.  Luckily, I’m not attached to any of it, and I love being able to help someone else.  Sometimes, I feel like I need to do more, which leads me to my next school of thought…

Altruism….

http://psychology.about.com/od/aindex/g/what-is-altruism.htm

I’m often perplexed by selfish people.  I don’t understand why more people don’t feel some innate sense of responsibility to reach out on the behalf of something or someone else. My parents raised me to always think about the good and welfare of others.  They wouldn’t let me have many moments of unbridled selfishness. 

I applaud anyone volunteering their time and efforts for a cause bigger than themselves.  Where would this world be without the graciousness of those with no strings attached to their time and love for mankind? They give endlessly to only hear ‘thank you.’ For those amazing people, those three words are priceless.

Luke 12:35-48
For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.

By SheelaR

I was actually excited about the new iPhone trade-in program starting today, but once again stories of corruption in Detroit are on the forefront of my brain.  I’ve been patiently waiting and excited to upgrade my phone since my contract expired 7 months ago. I’m still planning on upgrading my iPhone 4 to a 5s, but until I have the opportunity to visit the Apple store, tales of corruption in Detroit has once again managed to surreptitiously consume me, so…I’m here.

Detroit is no place to play dirty these days.  The microscopic eye of big brother is always open, kind of like a security camera at your local Seven Eleven. You know it is there, but some how, some way you forget about it, but it is still always watching you.  This leads me to the question…. Why is there still any level of corruption in Detroit?

I shall remain forever vigilant for Detroit’s revival.  I’m tired of avoiding the city out of disgust and fear.   

By SheelaR

One of the drawbacks of social media is…you write something vague and ambiguous and everyone knows for sure that it is about them.  If it is not about them, they assign the role to someone else. People run to connect the dots and find meaning where there isn’t any.  I find it hilarious.  You write it and then wait for the vultures to swoop in and pick at the carcass.

Double–entendre. Double–entendre, folks!

By SheelaR

I always thought I knew what love was and how it’s supposed to feel. Several people have walked into my life over the last couple of years, and I feel conflicted.  It is not a romantic love (the romantic love stuff is another post :)), but a friendship love.  I’m fiercely protective and unconditionally trusting of anyone I let in. It’s difficult for me because I’m not one to easily hand out trust passes. My first instinct about anyone is suspicion.

By SheelaR

There’s something about a cloudy overcast day that feels calming. I’ve been bed all day with my drapes open and windows slightly cracked. There is no real breeze to speak of, but the cool air feels nice.  I’ve not watched a minute of television.  It’s been a day of reading, writing and sleeping.  My phone has been eerily quiet, but I’m not complaining. I’ve rather enjoyed it.  Although…

Every time I open my eyes from a nap, someone in my family is leaning in to make sure that I’m still breathing, it’s borderline comical. You’d think they’d know by now that CFS doesn’t kill. Also, why is it when you’re not feeling well people offer you water?  I’m not thirsty my body hurts.

I’ve been craving spicy foods but my stomach doesn’t like them when I’m having a flare-up.  I’ve actually eaten very little today. I’ve heard that chicken broth and Jell-O are on the menu tonight.  I’m not sure if I’m in jail or a hospital. They probably don’t serve chicken broth in prison…right?

I finished my book.  Now I’m waiting to hear something…anything.  I’m more excited about it than I was when I started writing it two years ago.  The anticipation is killing me.  I’m hoping they really really love it.  Getting a book published is such a monumental task.  I could have taken the self-publishing route, but I prefer having a proven giant behind my effort.

Now that I’ve got that one out of the way, I’m going to work on my Facebook diary book.  I think this one is going to be my favorite.  There are several FB personas that I’m excited to write about.  They are larger than life, mostly in their own heads. Although, they are diametrically different, their egos are equal in size.  One tries to take the spiritual ‘good guy’ approach and the other one is just born of evil…sick and twisted.  I have a title for it already, thanks to an awesome friend.  Stay tuned for it! I might post excerpts here.

My house is about to get noisy for a few hours.  People cooking, cleaning and doing stuff for me.  I can’t think or write under those conditions, so I’m signing off until…

By SheelaR

Apparently, Miley Cyrus is the talk of the town, state, country and world. Hannah Montana has left the building, folks. Oh Miley! I was such a fan, until that VMA performance. That outfit. When they came to you with it, you should have objected vehemently. It was so unflattering. Memes of you are everywhere; comparing your rear end to every thing from a chicken to an apple. I feel for you. It can’t be easy seeing such unflattering images of yourself all over the Internet.

Gosh darn it, Miley! What were you thinking?! Who am I kidding? I’m still a fan. I simply want you to be more cognizant of your body type, and dress appropriately for it.Twerking in the Unicorn onesie was cute, not so much at the VMAs with those particular shorts on. Stay in you lane, my luv. Stick to punk rock or pop. I hate to say this… You are not about that life. Our parents tell us that we can grow up to be anything our heart desires. Yeah, well no. Not a good fit for you.

By SheelaR

I’ve never truly understood the concept of ‘Mob Mentality’ until recently.  I must admit, I’m intrigued.  The thought that seemingly ‘normal’ people would behave in such extremes got me to thinking about the darker side of human behavior.  People in mobs really do behave like packs of wild dogs.  Ironically, the first time I paid attention to this term was when it was used by a friend to describe a particular group of people that we encountered.  It didn’t quite click then, but now…  http://source.southuniversity.edu/examining-the-mob-mentality-31395.aspx

It is disturbing because they have no sense of awareness in terms of their own wild behavior, nor do they have any sense of logic or reasoning.  It reminds me of the movie ‘Rosewood.’ If you’ve never seen it please do.   As intriguing as it is, it is equally frightening.  Any attempt to reason and one is met with being ostracized and demonized.  There shall be no dissension from any member of the mob/pack.  It is fascinating to see a mob/pack in motion. 

At the helm of most loosely organized mobs/packs is generally what I call, the ‘brain’.  Not necessarily because the brain is smarter than the rest of the mob/pack.  The ‘brain’ is usually a charmer, a snake charmer, if you will.  Exhibiting the types of behaviors we see generally in sociopaths. I would venture to guess that the ‘brain’ would be diagnosed as a sociopath by those in the mental health community http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sociopath 

I would liken the ‘brain’ to personalities such as David Koresh, Jim Jones, Charles Manson and Marshall Applewhite. He is charming and he has a message for you. I call it “drinking the Kool-Aid syndrome.”  Social networking is a breeding ground for this alarming behavior. I’ve personally seen it from the inside and the very outside and I must admit, I have a little bit of respect for the ‘brain.’  It takes a certain kind of je ne sais quoi to be able to relieve so many people of their ability to think and reason on their own.  In an odd sort of way, it’s a talent.  Pat yourself on the back, you got them to drink the Kool-Aid.