By SheelaR

Life during the pandemic may not be how you envisioned 2020, but shifting your mindset can make your new version of 2020 an enjoyable one.

Here are some tips for living your best life through the pandemic:

Accept the inevitability of having to put something’s on ice

Were you supposed to go on that big vacation this year? Was there a promotion for work you were aiming for? It’s time to accept that these things may have to be put on hold for some time, but it does not mean that they will never happen.

It is helpful to only identify any small steps you can take now to eventually reach that goal in the future, and accept that the end result will have to be put on hold. It is also helpful to focus on yourself by not comparing yourself to what others have accomplished through their own experience in the pandemic. Everyone’s situations look different! Just because someone finished that home project while you have only managed to do your laundry each week, it is okay! It is important to recognize that you are doing your best to manage life through this new experience of a pandemic.

Indulge in a bit of shameless self-care

Think back to life pre-pandemic. Can you identify how you were taking care of yourself? It is even more important to make sure you take care of yourself during these times, whether you have children to home-school or you’re on the front lines as an essential worker. Self-care is different for everyone, and there is a wide range of self-care activities you can incorporate into your daily life. Take time to sit and think about what you would like to add into your daily routine as self-care. The amount of time you take will also be different for each individual. You can carve an hour into each day or just start out with 5 minutes of self-care each morning. The limits are endless, so take your time to figure out what works for you!

Focus on connections with others

Whether you’re struggling to manage your “new normal” or feel isolation due to not going into the office every day, make sure you continue to reach out for connection. During the pandemic, many people feel the effects of lack of in-person connection with those outside of their families. It is important to reach out to friends and loved ones to continue making connections and support one another. If you feel you are struggling, you can schedule a free consult here to connect with a therapist to help support your needs via phone, video or outdoors for a “walk and talk session.” It is important to remember, you do not have to struggle through this alone!

By SheelaR

Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

– Martin Luther King Jr.

Today, as we celebrating the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, let us do so with the understanding that there is still much work to be done. We must continue to honor Dr. King’s great legacy today, not by having the day off, but the day on. Dr. King spent his life working for justice, unity, peace and preserving rights for all people. We should remember those lessons, share them and see how we can move forward with that vision.

In the early 1960s, when King focused his challenge on legalized racial discrimination in the South. After passage of civil rights acts in 1964 and 1965, King began challenging the nation’s fundamental priorities. He maintained that civil rights laws were empty without “human rights” — including economic rights. For people too poor to eat at a restaurant or afford a decent home, King said, anti-discrimination laws were hollow.

King developed a class perspective. He decried the huge income gaps between rich and poor, and called for “radical changes in the structure of our society” to redistribute wealth and power. “True compassion,” King declared, “is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.”

It is amazing and inspiring all the things Dr. King was able to accomplish in his shortened life-time, especially considering the turbulent times he lived in. He organized many peaceful marches and protests and was a dynamic speaker, as we all remember from the ‘I Have A Dream’ speech he made during the 1963 March on Washington. He used that speech to eloquently call for civil and economic rights, as well as racial harmony, for all Americans. Dr. King’s life and accomplishments are worth remembering and should inspire each one of us to rise above the injustices we see each day.

We can believe in the dream of what we can be, which is really nothing more than what we already are, if we have the courage to take a look at what really matters in this world. Love. Friendship. Peace. Let us stay strong and remember the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. Let us live the dream that is our present. Let us believe in all that love can be.

As 2020 gets underway, in this nation of immense wealth, we must no longer accept the perpetuation of a cruel poverty ridden society that places value on things and not people.

By SheelaR

Cheating is universal. I would venture to guess that most of us have cheated on someone or been cheated on. It’s an inherent behavior. We all feel that fire some kind of way. Which brings me to this…

One of my dearest friends recently confessed to cheating on her husband. I already knew it, but I can’t tell you how. However, I was still surprised when she finally said it out loud. God-fearing Sheelagh wanted to judge and criticize her, but her loving friend in me knew it wasn’t my place. She’d spent the previous months feigning upset at the rumors of her cheating, so I was just a little confused and angry.

Although it feels like we’re doing our friendships a disservice when we are not open and honest about our feelings, we have to observe boundaries that are in place in every single one of our relationships. There are boundaries we should not attempt to breach. I have a firm “Mind your own business policy.” I judge my friends silently in my head, but I love on them hard to compensate for what’s happening in my judgey head. My only duty as a friend is to provide love and support.

It is dangerous to interject your morality on your friends. IT. IS. UNWISE. Don’t go there! What our friends don’t realize is, we also feel the impact of their life events, good and bad. We are innocent bystanders. We’re part of the crew that is there to pickup of the pieces of their lives after the train wreck settles, but we have to do it silently and with love.

At the start of the conversation I wanted to shake and punch her. I was angry that she spent an inordinate amount of time denying the affair and feigning hurt at the implication. By the time the conversation ended, I still wanted to punch her, but that’s not what she needed. She needed my strength, my loyalty, and my love.

I wrote all that to come to this… My unsolicited advice and thoughts about dealing with someone else’s cheating event:

• Remember, it’s not your relationship, so don’t get emotionally invested in the fallout or repair stages. Stand by with your mop and bucket.

• Don’t insert your feelings or opinions about the actual act. They’re not asking you for that. The arm-chair psychiatrist in you should probably go on vacation. There is nothing worse than a friend who wants to psycho-analyze your mistakes

• As egregious as the act of cheating feels, death is way worse. People can actually recover from infidelity. A box of Kleenex and a bottle of wine will get you through most things.

• It’s not about you. Don’t over-process the event. Keep it moving and positive. Hate the act, not the person.

You can simply never go wrong with love, large doses of compassion, and understanding.

Messages from my Inbox

A compilation of funny, frightening, and interesting messages from my inbox.

Stay tuned!

By SheelaR

2018 was an amazing year, and I’m wholeheartedly looking forward to 2019. My life has blossomed into something quite beautiful. I’m happy and at peace. It finally feels like I have everything I need, and most of what I want.

I woke up this morning without a single regret. I came to the realization that everything I experienced in 2018, lead me to this wonderful place I find myself in – day one of 2019. I’ve also realized that forgiveness was key… I’m not taking anything that made me sad into this wonderful new year. That sadness and those tears were meant to be.

Every person, place, and thing I’ve encountered, has added something valuable to my life, and for that, I am thankful. If I’ve hurt you, I’m deeply sorry. If I managed to make you happy, I’m grateful for the opportunity.

Life is indeed a journey, and in some small way…we made part of it together. Isn’t that amazing? Let’s continue to grow together.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year!

By SheelaR

It’s been a long weekend. I’m battling a terrible cold and I can feel my fibromyalgia kicking in. The stress of being sick is always a trigger for my Fibro. It’s at moments like this when I do my most profound thinking…mostly about my relationships with other humans.

I start to separate my “friends” into categories:

First, there are the loyal friends; the non-judgmental friends who will support me no matter what. They are the kind of friends who’ll let me be a hot mess. They know all of my deepest and darkest secrets, but still love me all the same. They’ll drop everything and bring me a pot of soup, even if they know I’m not going to eat it. My all knowing friends will understand that last part 🙂

Next, there are the selfish and emotionally draining friends. The takers and users. They don’t pretend to care. I couldn’t depend on them for a cup of water, even if I’m dying of thirst. They’re not really friends, they’re associates. They are only around when I’m healthy, happy, and being generous with my time, and attention, and funds.

Lastly, there are the people that profess to care about me, until I’m at my lowest and weakness point. They ask me how I am, but it’s only a setup to inject their needs into the conversation. They only call when it fits their agenda, and they always have one. They will offer to bring me a cup of water, but I have to commit to something in return. I’m never confused about their intentions. I simply get into a pattern of thinking that I’m wrong about them. I’m never wrong about them.

My instincts about people and situations are spot on. Sometimes, I spend too much time playing their game, because I want to be wrong. When I finally come to the realization that I’m not, I retreat. You can be my “friend,” but you’ll never truly have the privilege or distinction.

It takes me a long time to trust anyone. It’s how I am. It’s mostly an innate character trait. The other part is experience. We tend to not want our negative experiences to shape us, but they do. It is as natural as breathing.

I hate that I can openly admit to having been a terrible “friend.” I am however, trying not to be… No one is responsible for how you treat them, you own that.

I’m going back to bed now. I’ve used what little energy I had to write this.

By SheelaR

Birthdays are always a time for introspection and reflection for me. As I look back on this past year of my life, I’ve made some amazing progress in some areas and not so much in others. As with every human being, I’m a work in progress. So, I’m going to give myself a huge pat on the back for my ginormous baby steps.

My goal going forward is to be an even better human than last year. I want to truly and fully give myself to the people that love me wholeheartedly and have supported me through the good and bad. I want them to know that their love and support of me hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

I’m lucky to be in a business that has rewarded me handsomely for my hard work. I’m finally enjoying and appreciating all fruits of my labor. I thought that I had to be engaged with the business 24 hours a day. It had taken a huge toll on me and my relationships with the people I care about. It finally occurred to me, that I wasn’t enjoying the very life I was trying to create for myself and future generations of Ó Briens.

I’ve emerged from my fog. I travel more for pleasure. I sleep more. I’m back to eating better. I’m starting to spend more quality time with family and friends. I’m taking care of myself. Life is short, be grateful for every minute of it. Don’t become so busy creating a life that you forget to live it.

By SheelaR

Twenty five percent of the people you work with are outliers. They don’t care about the job. It is simply a means to an end. They are the people that will see a puppy in the middle of the road and won’t stop for it. It’s none of their business. They might even be your local serial killer, pyromaniac, or the neighborhood cat lady.

Ten percent of the people in your workplace are so new that they don’t know how to feel. They’re not quite enmeshed. They’ve not figured it out yet. They are still in the honeymoon phase. They are easily confused. The new kids on the block looking for a place to fit in. The floaters. The easily influenced.

The final sixty-five percent… They are the involved. The gossipers. The drama kings and queens. The shit starters and stirrers. The by-the-bookers. The passionate worker bees. They are the company guys and gals. The life of the workplace. They are involved and invested in the workplace culture. They are the good, the bad, and the downright evil.

They are the type that hug trees, attend political rallies, community organizers, the loud people on their phone at Whole Foods.

Which piece of the pie are you claiming?

The Involved & Invested
The By-The-Booker

By SheelaR

My greatest fear is death. Not the finality of it, but leaving behind a life unfulfilled. I’ve become obsessed with my own mortality, because life is fleeting; death comes without an invite.

I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering if my bucket list will be complete before I take my last breath. I want the opportunity to add footnotes to my story. I want my words to materialize before my eyes.

I obsess with the when, the where, and the how. I want know… I want to slowly slip away so that I may say “goodbyes” and “I love you’s.”

The night before, I want to sit by the water and pen my regrets and ask you to forgive me, because contrived attrition lacks sincerity. I want to be present in the moment.

By SheelaR

The newest outrage, aside from Nike and Colin Kaepernick (I’ll write about that later), is outrage over stolen memes/clichés. I’m unbothered. With all the real turmoil in America and the entire world, this is what bothers you? What about babies in cages, a mentally unstable President, Flint, racism, and Puerto Rico? Can we please obsess over something of critical importance to humanity?

Sometimes we need something light to balance the heavy of life, but this is becoming a scourge on human consciousness. All this misplaced outrage is taking on a level of importance that it doesn’t deserve. Every thought ever verbalized gets regurgitated. People have been sharing and taking credit for the spoken and written word since the beginning of time (slight exaggeration here), and social media has simply added to how fast are far information is disseminated.

Get back on track, America! Let’s not ride this dead pony for too long. No one stole War and Peace – lighten up. We have real problems with no real solutions insight. Have your moment and move on to something bigger than your self-righteous indignation over memes/clichés. Plastic isn’t the only thing that gets recycled and reused.

With all that being said, I’d like to say this… “Imitation is the best form of flattery.” And yes, someone else said that first.