America’s Rape Culture

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By SheelaR
I wrote an extensive post about our 2016 Presidential election and the importance of voting, but abandoned it for something a little closer to home. The rape and sexual objectification of women. Having said that, it is Donald Trump’s exploits, among other things, that inspired this post.

We are living in a society that is deeply stepped in a rape culture. The term “rape culture” describes the normalization of sexual violence, particularly against women. There is no one thing that can be attributed to its proliferation, which makes it hard to understand and explain. It’s actually less about rape and more about passively condoning it. It’s an accumulation of social norms that have given birth to generations of men, and some women…who’ve landed on the side of complacency in the face of the sexual abuse of women.

I’m a sexual assault survivor and unwilling member of a generation of people who actively victim shame, blame, and disregard. If you’re a woman or a man with daughter, sister, and mother…you should rethink your indifference. Chances are…you or someone you know and love will endure the indignity of being raped or molested. I can guarantee, it will no longer be funny or uninteresting. You’ll no longer engage in perpetuating the idea that women are only sexual objects, and that sexual objectification is simply a fact of life…nor will you continue to think that it’s simply something that happens to other people. We are all sexual creatures, but it should always be a choice not an opportunity.

It’s a sad state of affairs when we happily hand out passes for egregious crimes, because the victims are women. We’ve chalked it up to “boys will be boys.” We’ve placed the responsibility for the policing of men’s sexual proclivities on women. That is unacceptable. It further sends the message that women don’t matter in our patriarchal leaning society.

I’ve seen this floating around social media for a few days now. I’m sickened and trouble by its very existence. In our electronic information driven society, rape has no place in the funny meme section. I realize that we all have a different sense of what’s funny, but I don’t understand any human being that find the horribleness of rape funny. It’s very troubling. What is off limits?

We must stigmatize and demonize rapists, not their victims. The one great thing to come from Trump’s candidacy is that it has not only fueled a pushback against men like him, but it is writing a new narrative of America as a “rape culture” as being unacceptable…I hope.

 

Women Matter

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By SheelaR
The great thing about life is…we don’t all have to be in agreement to love and respect each other. However, if you support… rapists, racists, bigots, xenophobes, misogynists, and baskets of deplorables…I’ma have to rethink my friendship/relationship with you. I am woman and a woman of mixed ethnic heritage. My life has been touched by all the above. I don’t want to bare the thought that someone I care about would have so little respect for my life, by supporting the oppressive and destructive nature of misogyny, bigotry, racism, xenophobia, rape, and racism. 
I’ve said all that to simply say, I will not be supporting Nate Parker and his movie Birth of A Nation, and I will never support the likes of Donald Trump. This isn’t as simple as a disagreement of political ideology or someone’s taste in movies. It is much bigger than that. In this country, women and the issues that affect our lives are marginalized. In this country, women of color are particularly marginalized. Think about the women in your life and replace your complacency with empathy. At some point in their lives, they too have been or will be touched by one, some, or all of that ugliness. Pray that they won’t, but if they do, pray that they can survive it. Sometimes we don’t. 
We are living in perilous times. There is no room for the willful division of humanity, especially when it comes to women. If you disrespect any woman, you disrespect every woman. 

Open Letter to Gabby Douglas

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By SheelaR
Dear Gabby Douglas,
Keep being great. Don’t let the opinions of others define you. You’ll never be good enough for some people, and that’s okay. People aren’t really angry about this whole flag debacle, they’re angry because they’re miserable…and miserly loves company.
Don’t let them steal your joy. Btw… I never put my hand on my chest during the national anthem either, and I dare someone to check me about it. I love this country as much as the next person, so I don’t feel a need to prove it. This whole saluting the flag tradition and obsession we have, is silly. Having an allegiance to the flag proves nothing. It’s simply a way to control and define what some consider “patriotism.” Yours is not contingent upon how you behave in the presence of a piece of cloth and a bit of music. 

With love ❤️

Grandpa – Update

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By SheelaR

My grandfather has taken slight turn for the worse. All I want to do is cry and sob the day away, but I can’t…mother needs my strength. His breathing and pulse have slowed considerably, leaving the doctors still baffled. They’ve ruled something’s out and are waiting on more test results. It’s frustrating waiting for answers. I don’t know how much longer I can hold up.

My uncle William even seems to be cracking, which in itself is heartbreaking. I’ve never seen him so vulnerable. Aunt Christine is expected to arrive tomorrow afternoon. As wonderful as it is when all three siblings are together, this is the worst possible circumstance. There are moments when I feel like I need to leave the hospital to cry, but I’m afraid something terrible will happen in my absence.

My O’Brien grandparents have offered to come and support us, and that made my heart skip a beat. How sweet is that! My maternal and paternal grandparents have always had an amazing relationship…one that I’m truly proud of.

Well, I’m tired and hungry, and mom needs a break. If circumstances permit, I’ll be back with an update tomorrow. Please keep my grandfather & father in your thoughts and prayers.

Grandad

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By SheelaR
My beloved granddad has fallen ill, so I’m in Connecticut with my mom, attending to my first grandchild responsibilities. Of all the maternal grandchildren, I’m the closest to my grandfather. I’m a part of every aspect of his life, and I enjoy it. It is an honor and a pleasure to serve and protect him (corny, right?). My grandfather has always been fairly healthy, so I get super worried when he’s not.

At this moment, he’s non-verbal but fairly alert and breathing on his own. His vitals are stable one minute and all over the place the next. It’s been an emotional roller coaster since we arrived yesterday, but I’m trying to be strong for my mom and granddad. Seeing him this way brought back unhappy memories of my grandmother when she was dying. I keep thinking “What if he doesn’t make it? “I’m not ready for another loss on that level.

Currently, mom and I staying at granddad’s condo. Depending on granddad’s progress, we’ve discussed staying at my mom’s childhood home, the farm. I love that place soooooo much.
I have so many amazing memories and stories I could tell you about that place. It’s been in my grandfathers paternal family for 150 years. He inherited from his Italian father. Yes, that is a whole other story within itself. It’s a complex story that deserves its very on blog post. Remind me to tell you about it in the not so distant future 😉

Beauty Products

Simply Beautiful by Sheela, my beauty product line, is in its test phase. Two weeks strong! It’s too early to tell if it’s going to be a success, but I’m super hopeful. 

Book
I’m currently working on two books that will feature my photographic works. My first book will feature nature photography and the other, architecture. It started out as catalogues for my corporate clients, but my private clients, family, and friends have expressed interest in them as well. That made me super happy. I’ve got a huge collection of photographs already, but I’d like to feature some new stuff. Thus far , I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback and it’s motivated me. 
My grandad’s sister and niece have been landscaping the farm and there are lots of amazing flowers and plants to shoot. On the way into Stamford yesterday, I got a few shots of some local architecture. Downtown Stamford is lovely. I’m self-publishing, so I’m thinking about releasing both books together. One of my clients thought the idea of a packaged deal was genius. He’s very successful and his advice and support means the world to me. 
Last but not least… My staff has been amazing. Their dedication and hard work as allowed me to live a little and peruse my various other interests. I’m lucky and grateful to have you 🙂 If I’ve not said it enough, Thank you!

Switching gears a little bit…

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By SheelaR
I woke up this morning with my mind in complete in chaos and racing at a frenetic pace. I had a ton of To Do Lists running through my head. One for every aspect of my life. I felt so overwhelmed that I had a moment where I almost cried. It was reminiscent of a time when work and stress ruled my life. I don’t ever want to be in that place again; but I was this morning. 
I got back in bed, pulled out my iPad and started writing. Trying to function in such a chaotic space would have been a bad scene for me today. As much as I’d like to barrel through all my lists, I can’t. I’ve learned how to stop and smell the roses. I can’t allow my past way of existing to derail all the progress I’ve made.
Now that I’ve managed to reroute my mind… I’m going to turn off my phone and have breakfast on the patio. For a second, I entertained the idea of reading a book, but my brain isn’t quite that settled yet. Instead, I’m going to listen to some classical music and draw. I’ve not given up on adulting, so I’ll be off to the office in the afternoon.
Life is about balance. I almost learned that too late. I literally ran myself in the ground trying to live up to some lofty self-imposed expectations. I never stopped to appreciate how wonderful my life already was. Instead, I was trying to make it better than it needed to be. Success is overrated if you’re unhappy chasing it. When I finally realized that, it was too late to salvage some important relationships. 
Now that I have a healthy balance of work and play, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. I’m slowly repairing some relationships and hoping others will repair themselves with a little more time and forgiveness. This mornings glitch was a sobering reminder that I’ve taken life and the people that love me for granted. I assumed that everyone understood my journey and would be there at the end of it…but that’s not how life works. 
My journey doesn’t have an ending, but I’m making room and time for the things that matter. People matter 😊

Broken Things

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By SheelaR

There are times when I become disillusioned by the human race and I can’t reconcile my love for humanity with humans. And then I remember… Life is amazing and I love people, especially when they are being beautiful. How horrible would it be to simply give up on that? We are not a perfect species. We are a complex set of actions and emotions. Somehow, we revert to our most primitive selves … forgetting how amazing we are when at our best. Love and patience is the key, but I struggle with mine.

Every day… I have to tell myself that nothing worth having comes easy, that includes life. I also tell myself that I have to love humans through their ugliness, and hope they’ll love me through mine. I love life and I feel deeply about it, but sometimes life is a dark unwelcoming place and I question the value of it all. It’s a place filled with human suffrage … a perpetual stain plaguing mankind. When you see abject suffering first hand, it changes you forever. I’ve seen it…

Some days, it’s unbearable. I keep asking myself… What more can I do? I know that I can’t fix every broken thing, but I can’t stop trying. If we all tried fixing one broken thing, imagine how amazing this thing we call life would be.

Find something broken and fix it.

The Transatlantic Slave Trade – Dear Irish People…

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By SheelaR

I’m half descended from Irish immigrants, so I feel like I can say this…

Dear Irish People,

Please stop comparing your ancestors experience with indentured & penal servitude with that of my african ancestors, who endured hundreds of years of chattel slavery by European slave traders. You’re entitled to own the atrocities that the Irish endured, but you don’t get to draw lines of comparison with those of african ancestry. There is no comparison. You don’t have a clue. Instead of repeating ignorance about slavery that you’ve casually learned from friends, family, and Google scholars…go to the library; it will change your life.

This “What about us” mentality is getting old. As much as I love my Irish ancestry, I’m growing tired of the willful ignorance that so many of Irish ancestry seem to wallow in when it comes to slavery. I’ve attached several links below. The is no rhyme or reason to be ignorant of well-documented history in 2016, especially if you’re going to have an opinion about it…

Slavery Timeline
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/africa/features/storyofafrica/9generic3.shtml

 1444 – First slaves brought to Portugal from northern Mauritania 
 1444-5 – Portuguese make contract with Sub-Saharan Africa 
1471 – Portuguese arrive in the Gold Coast 
1482 – Portuguese begin building Elmina Castle on the Gold Coast 
1488 – Bartholomew Diaz goes round the Cape of Good Hope 
1490 – First Portuguese missionaries go to Congo 
1500 – Sugar plantations established on island of Sao Tome two hundred miles from                        coast of West Africa 
1510 – First slaves shipped to Spanish colonies in South America via Spain 
1516 – Benin ceases to export male slaves, fearing loss of manpower 
1518 – First direct shipment of slaves from Africa to the Americas 
1780’s – Slave trade at its peak 
1652 – Dutch establish colony at Cape of Good Hope, South Africa 
1700 – Asanti begin to consolidate power 
1720’s – Kingdom of Dahomey expands 
1776-1783 – American War of Independence 
1787 – ‘Thoughts and Sentiments on the Evil of Slavery’ by Quobna Ottobah Cugoano                      published by the Foundation of the Society for the Abolition of Slave Trade 
1789 – French Revolution. ‘Life of Olaudah Equiano’ published 
1791 – Slave uprising in Haiti (Saint Domingue) led by Toussaint L’Ouverture 
1804 – Danes pass law against slave trade Haitian independence 
1807 – British law passed declaring buying, selling and transporting slaves illegal (ownership continues) 
1808 – North America abolish slave trade 
1814 – Dutch outlaw slave trade 
1823 – Founding of Anti-slavery Committee London 
1834 – British law passed declaring ownership of slaves illegal 
1839 – Amistad slave ship rebellion 
1848 – French abolish slavery 
1860-65 – American Civil War 1865 – 13th Amendment abolishes slavery in America 
1869 – Portugal abolishes slavery 
1886 – Slavery abolished in Cuba 
1888 – Slavery abolished in Brazil 
1873 – Slave market in Zanzibar closed 
1936 – Slavery made illegal in Northern Nigeria
http://web.cocc.edu/cagatucci/classes/hum211/timelines/htimeline3.htm
An open mind is more conducive to learning than a closed one.