By SheelaR

“Black women are your own counsel. You sit around and talk to each other, assuming you can fix one another, when you’re all broken.” – All black women?

“Have you raised your child to be an asset to another man?” To men they are liabilities.” – Including your own?

“You need to give your woman/wife the gift of being uncomfortable.” – Is that why you’re twice divorced?

“Beauty is universal and the thing is, we’re talking about black women…they are on the opposite end of the spectrum on all ranks.” – So, only women with European features and white non-myelinated skin are beautiful? Who decided this? There are no beautiful black women, at all?

-Kevin Samuels

I added these direct quotes for context.

I was casually scrolling through my Instagram feed when Kevin Samuels appeared. I’d heard the name but decided to relegate him to the same corner as Derrick Jaxn. Unfortunately, that didn’t keep Kevin out my feed. During one of my bouts with insomnia, I decided it was a good time to watch. Not much leaves me speechless, but… I’m still trying to process it.

One must also consider the source of any given advice — is the source adequately educated? Does the source have the necessary cultural lens and experience to provide consultation and have they, themselves, healed internal trauma to project others down the right path? For Mr. Samuels, I’m no therapist, but I would say HELL NO! The hard conversations he presents need to be had, but not entirely at the expense of black women.

Without naming it, because he doesn’t seem know any better, he’s engaging in “Plantation Patriarchy, but he uses his “Christianity” as cover. He is simply more interested in disrespecting vulnerable black women for clout and entertainment, and there are least 1 million black men that agree with him. Sir, you’re playing a dangerous game, it won’t end well. What I will say, he’s not wrong about everything, because even a broke clock is right twice a day.

As I’ve said before, not everything he says should be dismissed. It’s his framing of that advise/information that is problematic. He is trying compel Black women to reframe their definitions and expectations of potential mates. They come to him at their most vulnerable, and he exploits them. He capitalizes off of their desire for stability by comparing them to White, Latina, and Asian women. These women don’t have the same history and experience as black women in America. It’s an unfair and unrealistic comparison.

Once again, these difficult conversations need to be had, but not at the expense of black women only. Black men also have ownership in any issues that affect black families and their community. However, according the this self-processed expert – the health and happiness of the Black community is reliant on the Black woman being for her man “Fit, Feminine, and Cooperative.”

This “tough-love” advice oozes misogynoir, amplifying a historically racist and westernized view of beauty that only serves to demean and hurt Black women. It leaves Black women open for attack, and his hyper-focus on surface discourse surely seals the deal. His Jerry Springer like platform is nothing more than a breeding ground for click-bait conversations that incite real-time attacks on black women.

On many occasions, he fails to properly cite his sources of the Information he relies heavily upon. He knows his audience won’t care or critically think for themselves. More importantly, they won’t challenge the validity of anything he says. He throws it out there and they ride it like urban cowboys. Their need to make black women the enemy, for outweighs their need for helpful or factual information. He relies on their willful ignorance to keep them in alignment. It’s what many of us recognize in Trump fans, Jim Jones Kool-Aid drinkers, and David Koresh followers. Am I the only one that remembers the Heaven’s Gate cult?

He consistently injects the worst stereotypes about black women into every conversation. It’s absolutely egregious and dangerous that this man who has been on the planet for more than half a century would proudly encourage assimilation as a viable solution to the relationship woes between Black women and men. His antiquated ideas about relationships have no place in modern America. We’re evolving, and so must our relationships.