By SheelaR

I’ve not been feeling well since my return from DC. Admittedly, some of it has been emotional. Not only I’m struggling with transitioning back to my old life, but I managed to pick up a stomach bug, and my cousin has been slowly…but not really moving out of my house. I kind of gave up and let the bad take over. Anyway… I managed to drag myself to the drugstore the other day, and I sat in my car and cried like a baby. Every single time I tell people that I’ve cried about something, it meets with audible gasps and total disbelief. They always manage to say “but you don’t cry!”

News flash! I do cry…a lot more than you can ever imagine. Yes, I’m a tough nut to crack, but I’m a sensitive one. It’s taken most of my adult life to finally admit that. I’m relieved that I have, but I’m struggling with being transparent with the sensitive emotional person in me. Every time I let the sensitive girl out to play she comes home crying. Lately, she cries about everything and sometimes, nothing at all. Don’t get me wrong…it’s perfectly normal and healthy to be in touch with your emotions. However, I’ve been touching mine a bit too often lately. I’d like to have more of a hands off approach with all that emotional shit.

Everyone is super into texting these days, so it’s made crying in private a little easier. No one has to hear me sniveling in their ears for hours. The constant embarrassment of crying out loud to others would drive me to seriously drink. Speaking of which…I’d like to be a closet drunk but the health nut in me won’t acquiesce. Which brings me to…my BFF Dawn called to talk about her baby shower and I managed to hijack the conversation by crying about things that no one cares about. We ended the call laughing like a couple of 13-year girls, but it was exhausting getting there. She managed to squeeze in “You don’t have to be so strong all the time. I like the you that feels deeply and cries about it.” That made me smile 🙂

I know this whole post has turned into a ginormous TMI moment, but it’s all for a good cause, my sanity. Writing keeps me sane in an otherwise insane world. Simply writing in my journal, just won’t do anymore. This is akin to therapy…free therapy. I’m also sharing this because we all struggle in life. I’m not looking for advice or sympathy. Ups and downs are innate and inevitable to the human condition. It’s also good for another soul to see that they are not alone. No one is living perfection, despite their attempts to convince you otherwise. My most read blog posts are the ones where I share my personal journeys, because someone else is identifying with the struggle. It doesn’t matter how wonderful your life is, the storms will find you. You have to decide if they’ll give birth to flowers or floods.

P.S… This is the last poor me post that you’ll see this week, month, and year. I’m moving on to my old positive and upbeat self. I’ve had enough self-therapy to last me a lifetime.